I liked this writes ideas, but im off on the AABB.
(im a fan of exploring different ways to write, and getting people to wrap thier mind around my words)..

i like the concept of this becouse i always wonder if people who have lost thier minds can conjour up a coherant thought.

(:

Ooomg!! you never cease to amaze me darlin.. i think is is actually my favorite one that you wrote now.. like wow.. how can you come up with this??.. do original really.. like your mind is sooo out there i love it
still a fan :)
<3ang

Jenny, this is awesome, I felt the insanity in this piece. You have beautifully worded and the lexis is just the best. The words strung together are cohesive and really reflects poetic qualities.

Yours true reader
Fsams

Bravo, this is an incredibly twisted piece of poetry. When I was reading this I could feel my mind Sort of in that state of insanity. It was very well written.

I love ur use of metaphors. Very nice. It was so awesome and umm whats the wrd intense. yep thats it. n/e ways nice. 5/5

5/5. JUST AMAZING! This was just a insane piece and I really love the way its worded as well as ur rhyme scheme.
keep it up

Ok I'll start with the flow ;) lol it was good in this. The meter was fluent, much better than the other one (if you know what I mean.)
Loved the first line. The "derailed" image is a good metaphor, it would have been nice if you used the train track idea more in the poem, it may have been a good backbone for the write.
I am personally picky about rhyme. I think that's why I rarely rhyme in my own poems. Anyway I did think the rhyming was a bit predictable in places. It's way easier to rhyme "me" with "see" and "name" with "blame" than it is to rhyme "derailed" with "impailed." It's some of the more unsual words that (for me) make a poem more enjoyable, and it seems more effort has been put into the poem.
In conclusion, the flow was much better here, and although I have issues with rhyme lol I did enjoy it :) Keep writing hun.

I think it shows that no effort was put into a poem if they use baby words a lot like see and me. That's just me though. I like more structure. You and I are like the complete oposites on poetry. :)

This poem was good expect it loses it's flow a little but and I, as a reader got turned off. I had to read it a few times to really enjoy what you wrote. Also some of the rhyming seems forced which always makes the poems flow drift off a bit.

But all in all, this poem was good because of your descriptive words and all of the amazing imagery.

Take Care!

-Shannon <3

Sorry for those spelling mistakes, I rushed what I wrote because someone was calling for me.

Really nice poem... I like it :D
Keep up this good work

~ Sumit Ojha

Sparks are shooting from my brain = good line, not everyone knows that happens. awesome.
My marbles have gone to who knows where = the most amazing line i've read all day!
Overall, I like it. It's a good topic, but at the end I felt you were repeating yourself a bit.

Not you best but still pretty good it lacked a bit of flow for me 4/5 for well written but lack of flow

I love this...this was amazing.
Flow was good throughout, imagery was fantastic, really created vivid pictures and word usage was beautifully done.
The only suggestion I have is to try and eliminate some of the fillers (I, you, and etc) but other than that this is perfect!

I really LOVE the first...eh... eight lines or so.. and then it went down hill and I lost complete interest.
You always need to remember when writing to keep it interesting and non-cliche for your readers. It helps, trust me.

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 4.5

It was really good at the beginning, but i think that the end was not so great for me. I think that the flow was kind off also

3/5

:) Great poem. I love the flow and the word usage is nice... Good luck in future writing!
XOXO Trish