I'm not the person I wanted to be
I try to act strong and tough all the time
All I wish is that I could forgive myself
I wish I could find it in me to cry and get all this pain out
I never thought that id reach to here
At least not without you�
I had so much I wanted to do
So much I wanted to do with you
I wanted to know you more
Still had a lot of you to explore
Now I simply can not
My body is too weak and my spirit is shattered
Whenever I think about how much I could have done
I could have made u happy
I could have put a smile and told you I loved you everyday
I'm sorry that I didn�t
I pray for your forgiveness each day
Maybe the angels will send you the roses
I put them on you everyday,
Are you getting them?
Wishing to see you rise and answer me when I talk
Wishing that I could hear your voice just once again
I'm happy, in a way, that you were the one who got sick and left
For I would rather burn in hell for eternity,
Than let you go through what I go through without you everyday.
I knew how much you loved me
I couldn�t be a man and return your sweet acts of love
I'm lucky that I have good memories of you
It�s a good thing that I was the one who didn�t leave
And you keep in mind the bad person I was with you�
I love you for leaving me,
I deserve the pain!
I get Goosebumps when I touch your clothes
I don�t let anyone come near your bed
I don�t even open the window for some fresh air to enter
I'm afraid the wind will carry your sense away
I didn�t tell you I love you each day!!
How could I have been such a fool!
I thought you would never leave me
I knew that no matter what,
I'll come back home and find you waiting for me
Now I come home and call out your name
And all I get in return is the cold eco of a lost name
The lost eco of an empty cold house
I miss you so much,
I suffocate when I hear your name
It's like a ring of thorns that grow in my throat
You wouldn�t pack and leave because you loved me
Maybe even more than I loved you, at the time,
God must have taken you from me to remind me that life is real
I was living in this careless dream
I didn�t even kiss you goodnight before I went to sleep
I'm sorry�
I remember the day I saw you cry on your bed
I hugged you and feel your shivers on my chest,
I remember how happy you were when I got you flowers too
How about when it was your 21st birthday when I first kissed you
We were 24 when I first asked you to be mine�
I want you to be mine again!!
I want you with me forever
I'm sorry for everything I put you through
I'm not an easy man I admit
But you,
You were the strong one,
The perfect woman, the friend and wife
You were there with me when I was down
Even though I yelled to leave me alone
You never let my hand go!
I'm a better man now
I try to walk in your footsteps each day
I do this for myself though,
It's not for the people around me
It's not for you baby�
I know you are in heaven,
You probably are an angel
And all I want is to go to heaven and be with you!
I want God to accept my changes
And see the real person I'm trying to be today
My prayers always are two in half
The first is so God takes care of you for a while
And the second is that when I die he sends me to you
So I can take care of you the way God intended to�
I love you now more than I ever did�
(for more of my work see www.corpsebride00.deviantart.com)
