What i pretend to be

I pretend that I'm not crying when tears are bleeding down my face
I pretend that I am happy in this broken, brutal place
I pretend that those words don't hurt me, that I'm gonna be alright
But the truth is that I'm bare, naked, frozen here in fright

I pretend these crimson tears are accidents I can't explain
I pretend that happiness surrounds me when really, it's just pain
I pretend that my smiles are real, and I don't know why I lie
I guess I don't want any weakness shown, so I pretend that I don't cry

I pretend that life is perfect, there's no bruises underneath my clothes
I pretend that there's no scars or any memories to expose
I pretend that I believe in love, but I think it's a mistake
I pretend that my heart doesn't hurt anymore since it last felt a break

I pretend that there's no darkness behind my dulled, green eyes
I pretend that I don't constantly bleed from my upper thighs
I pretend that there's no reason to hate life, no reason to let it win
But the truth is that I do hate life and I'm tempted to give in

I pretend that I am strong and I show it with such power
But each and every day, I'm fading every minute of every hour
I pretend that the ache in my bones is nothing more than just a spasm
But if you looked beneath my soul, you'd see so much more to fathom

I pretend I'm so much different than the true person that lives inside
I used to be the pretend girl, but somehow she just died
Perhaps it was the countless tears and all the nights left alone
But I like to pretend there are no reasons, that my past is just unknown.