Catholicism make no sense to I

If God is the greatest being then why try you will never be the best. Ok little Jesus turning water into wine thats bullshit. Saving sick little people thats totally crap. Where does this leave me confused. I dont want a religion or do I. It totally makes me cry. Aghhhh i just wanna die. I feel as a small fry in a big pond. I am such a retard no regard.