And as I prepare to sleep.
My legs grow weak.
My knees limp.
My fingers shake.
and grow heavy.
I'm surprised I'm typing.
What I hate most.
Is when someone,
incredibly close to me,
can't tell me something.
Especially at night.
because then it eats at me,
and it's 5 am, and I'm still
awake.
Tonight is really not my night.
I swear.
I can change my life as a whole.
With just a few words.
Live the life I want.
Blatantly;
I often times wish,
that I could deal with
life all by myself.
Find out everything myself.
Live a life with no socialism.
But when I look at the life
I have. It's close to perfection.
And it's all thanks to one person.
One person who doesn't realize it.
I'm guessing she's not that happy with me.
Woot! Lucky guess!
It's not the best feeling.
Especially when at the bottom of your heart,
you knew beforehand, that something was wrong.
Now it's in your mind.
Like a virus.
Eating at your head.
And it won't let you sleep.
Tomorrow is not a day I look forward to.
But I can't stop time.
I can stop myself,
from getting through time.
But that's not what I'll do.
I'd sooner cut off all socialism,
just to see what it's like,
than to end it all.
I realized something today.
They tend to forget.
How much they hurt you.
And you see their face.
And they look into your eyes.
And they don't feel anything.
But all the meanwhile.
You have a load of pain.
And they won't apologize.
So she's over it.
And I got past it.
But I did it a little too quick.
And now.
I need somebody.
To hold onto me.
To be right by me,
as I attempt to hold in tears.
Because it really hurts.
Really bad.
And that one person I want
to help me through this.
Isn't going to anytime soon.
And I have no clue why.
I feel like...
That day I read a thing on abortion.
This little baby is growing,
and all the meanwhile,
it's life is centered
on it's love for it's mother.
And it's mother tends
to get angry. and depressed.
And the baby doesn't know why.
It doesn't know it ruined it's mother's
life. And then they abort it.
And the baby feels pain.
Not so much physical.
But emotional.
And the baby asks.
The one person it loves most.
"Why?"
And they just stand by,
and approve the unborn baby,
from being born.
From loving.
I'm a nearly aborted baby.
And I need someone to love.
Who'll love me back.
But right now.
I can't find her.
It can't be just anyone.
It has to be her.
A baby knows who it's mother
is, before it's even born.
I'm lost without mine.
I outgrew my real mother.
So now I need her.
I wish I was 6 again.
I was not self conscious.
And I had no friends.
I had no priorities.
It was the perfect life.
The gag in my throat.
I'm about to cry.
But I won't.
Yet.
I will once I'm in bed.
I would say "goodnight",
but it's not one.
It's far from it.
