The State of Abnegation

I fail to embrace my feelings
I just push them away
Like the birds that flew south
From the cold
And left the city skies gray

I can feel the crispness
Of the autumn wind--
A detectable Indifference
That's slowly becoming
A part of me.

After all that's happened
I'm now denying myself all I Feel
Because I just can't bring myself to except it
(Not yet)

If I don't allow it in,
If I just don't think about it
Then it can't be real--
And I won't,
I cannot
Get hurt.

What once was white
Has turned to blue,
And I'm locked up in myself--
Never wanting to go through it again.