What would it be

Here i am having lots of thoughts
Don't know how to express them so I started jotting down
My mind seems so restless since the time I've been on my own
And to smile had even become an obligation

Been afraid to wake up every morning
Wishing my days turned all into nights
'Cause in dreams i often see you
smiling,holding my hands
Seems you're still mine

Been afraid to love again the way
I used to be
Smiles had turned tears,tears into fears
illusions invade my visions
Happiness fades away,yearnings take place
Can't even tell, does it happened by choice
or by chance?

My heart had wounded and scar still abides
Crack a joke to hide the pain
courage to go on,i slowly regained
Hankerings started to be filled out
Would I be happy or would I be sad?

I love you..you still love me but
someone else' with you
Keep thinking,is it the more I love
or the more who loves me?
Let go they say, yet
hold on says me inside
Confusing thoughts now arise
is it the mind or is it the heart?