An Influential Crisis

I am living my life in a lonely range,
a life i feel i cannot change.
my heart can barely handle the stress,
how can this be happening why is my life such a mess?!
so many questions fill my mind,
i wish that i could turn back time.
i cannot get a smile to break through my tears,
nothing can take away my fears.
my heart could stop beating my mind could blow
however she would never know.
she told me that she would always care
and that she would always be here.
here to be to wipe away my tears, here to watch me grow and be married,here for me to fall back on,
here to be my best friend when i needed one.
yet i turn to see her no where...still she doesn't care.
and she knows what she has done.
she left me with nothing to do except give up on her.
every prayer and word said...
hasn't gotten to her head.
when i was younger i wanted to follow her every step.
i am lucky i didnt because of the example that she set.
she left me with complete strangers because her addiction was more important
she was suppose to be my MOTHER..
she was suppose to be RELIANT.
she shattered my heart because she did not realize
that every tear that has fallen from these eyes
are for her.
she use to be my biggest fan
but sadly this is where i stand.
i want whatever it takes to get out of this prison
i know this isn't the life she should be livin.
if it takes a harsh illness let it be.
i just wish that she would see.