Hating myself (edited)

I can see now
In my moment of clarity
The wedge,
The huge chasm
I drive between myself
And those I love,
The few who love me.
I sabotage everything
Until I have nothing
I destroy anything.
Because I'm not worth it
Not worth the trouble
The yelling and the moods.
I can't control my emotions
It makes me more emotional
Keeping up the front .
Don't want to be alone
But I am
Surrounded and alone.
No sacrifices in my life
Only compromise
Too selfish to let go.
Constantly contradicting myself
Always insulting
Trying to hurt.
I'm not deserving of your love...