My Undying Love

by Vincent Thornsberry   Nov 18, 2007


I love you
I will always be true
I know you are the one
You shine like the sun
And dazzle my eyes
Even though you do your not a prize
You deserve all respect
Even when looking in retrospect
There is nothing you don't deserve
I will hold back no reserve
I will love you with all I've got
Even if you deside you love me not
I will always show I care
Even if you lose your hair
It is not your hair I love
It's you my dove
You will forever hold my heart
Even if we fall apart
I will forever be yours
Even when separated by many doors
I will never be untrue
Because I love YOU

@ Vincent Thornsberry 2008

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "You shine like the sun
    And dazzle my eyes"

    ^^ I love those lines, the imagery in those two lines as AMAZING, it created such vivid visuals for me.

    In fact, I love all of the imagery portrayed throughout this piece, it's beautifully created.

    Flow is okay for the most part but there is some places where it's a little of, and I think that's because of the onstant use of fillers (I, and, the etc) Try eliminating some of those and you'll most likely find the flow is so much smoother.

    "Even though you do your not a prize"

    ^^I didn't like that because it doesn't really make sense to me, it seems like you're just trying to match the rhyme scheme, maybe try something else instead?

    " I will always show I care
    Even if you lose your hair"

    ^^ Again, I didn't think that made sense and was used just for the rhyme scheme, I thought it came across as somewhat humourous and I don't think that's supposed to be the case as the rest of the piece is filled with so much emotion and depth.

    " will never be untrue
    Because I love YOU "

    ^^Favourite lines, easily. So much meaning and depth in so few words and such a strong ending.

    The thing I would suggest most is to try and get rid of some of the fillers...maybe try something like:

    "Loving you
    I will always be true
    Knowing you're the one
    You shine like the sun
    Dazzling my eyes"

    " IThere is nothing you don't deserve
    I'm holding back with no reserve"

    etc etc.

    I just think it would even the flow a little.

    But other than the fillers, I think this was beautifully written.

    Hope I helped some ^^

More Poems By Vincent Thornsberry