The Never-Ending Cycle

Day ten and I feel it again.
Tell myself I'm strong enough,
Force it back to its hiding place.
Week three, and its back with a vengeance.
Snap bands across my skin,
Drown in words and melodies,
Anything to destroy the drive.
It hides but grows, and grows again.
Month one, I'm dull again
Breathe in nothing, live in emptiness.
Laugh, smile, pretend, pretend,
Nothing lasts but the drive.
The drive, the pain, the need, the pull, the addiction.
One wouldn't hurt,
Two would be nothing,
Three would help me feel,
Four would wake me up,
Five would be heaven.
Shallow, shallow keep the blood from spilling,
Feel and release,
Release the pain, the hurt, the shame, the energy.
Deeper, deeper help me feel something,
Anything to let me know I'm really here,
Let me know I'm not just drifting by.
Stop the bleeding, cover up,
Gain composure and withdrawal.
Go to sleep to a simple dream
Wake up to a nightmare.
Day one, I'm starting over again.