I don't see anything wrong with the first
stanza. I think it's good. :] anyway, the flow
was outstandingly flawless. And it was a very
interesting story line. an attention grabbing
poem for me. :] I really liked the ending :]
really. a great write. 5/5.

I really like this poem... i like how it reveals just enough information for the reader to take the main idea and make it their own. i feel that the two most important elements in poetry are the ablities to get your points across and to connect with the reader allowing them to create their own interpertations of the work.

This poem had good flow and was very easy to read. the only stanza that i had problems with was this on

Those words were enough,
She leapt through the air,
Her brother she grabbed,
As she jumped off the chair.

It wasnt as smooth as the other stanzas the words tripped me up. possible rewording in this stanza would allow the reader to continue to flow through the poem and make it more as a story. i got tripped up on that stanza and the flow of the poem was completly lost to me.

other than that AWESOME JOB

This is really sad.. made me want to cry ;/
But, it was a very beautiful piece. I can pretty much relate to it...

There's some spelling errors & punctuation needed in some places.
But, other than that.. amazing job!

Really touching, maybe work on word choice a little, like you said. Keep at it.

This whole piece is quite simple, nothing wrong with that. The first stanza was fine to me matched in well with the rest of them. the story line I enjoyed. I found it to be sweetly sad and the emotions you portrayed here were deep, touching and heartfelt. I think the one thing with this poem is you revealed alot. You didn't leave much of the poem for the reader to think about. From the first two stanzas. You kind of knew what ws going on. Not a bad piece overall. Well done. ~Mel

But sometimes walking out the door, is the best thing to do.
"She come home drunk,
Holding a bottle of rum"

should be
"She came home drunk,
Holding a bottle of rum"

amazing and so sad. i loved the rhyming technique.
5/5