Immortal Quest

by Romancing the Darker Side   Jan 6, 2008


Feel the sweet blood dripping
Tonight it's me vs. your neck
Into your flesh I'm ripping
You're a shaking nervous wreck

Emerging from the grave
The one kept in your mind
Now, you've gotta be brave
Let my shiny fangs unwind

I pierce into your skin once more
Immortality has sealed it's door

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  • 17 years ago

    by Fluffy

    Unlike the first piece, this one seemed to have a satisfactorily written beginning and middle, and a more effective and (abrupt) end. I didn't think it was your best; however you did use imagery well in some respects. To improve, you could use some punctuation marks to reinforce the power of your lines. Also, refrain from using forms of slang as they tend to taint the written quality of the piece.

    All around, it was a well attempted piece.

  • 17 years ago

    by AmberSherrellxxIve Been Sitting Here Trying To Find Myselfxx

    Vampires huh?Interesting...again very short but it was pleasantly different.5/5

    <3Amber

  • 17 years ago

    by xxTaegan Emilyxx

    I really liked this poem.
    The flow was great.
    I think this had great imagery.
    xx
    Taegan Emily

  • 17 years ago

    by Nix

    Interesting poem. You created great imagery in it with vivid and clear descriptions. It is short but it has intense tones. You should maybe use some metaphors and make this poem more complex because that would give greater inner power and beauty to the whole piece.
    Nice job, but it could be better.

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