In The Bathtub Drinking Tea

by HidinVictim   Jan 10, 2008


Pretty little girl
pretty little smile,
put it on her face
so you can't tell

you can't see,
it fades into hell
lock her up,
put her in jail

you don't have to tell
you checked her wrist,
her tommy too

but you never checked
her legs
did you?

pretty little girl
pretty little smile
put it on her face,
so you can't tell

you could say,
down her legs,
runs the crimson see

she sitting in a bathtub
filling it with alcohol,

drinking her tea

her last plea
was to fall
can't you see?

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    I don't like this too much, I am always honest and this is just my opinion, I won't rate it.
    I don't like a combinations of words and somehow the atmosphere of whole piece wasn't to original for my taste, I think that it could be more powerful.
    I don't want to offend you, this is a really nice emotional write but I personally don't like it too much.

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    This is one of the most original sad poems I've read in a while. It is very effective and vivid. Intense imagery that you created compliments eery atmosphere of the whole piece. Greatly written from the first to the last line.
    Keep up the great work!

  • 16 years ago

    by RobinAnn13

    This one is brilliant. The storyline was very very emotional and the word choice was perfect. Beautifully written!! This should be made into a song. It would be perfect lyrics. g5/5 of course! ^.^

  • 16 years ago

    by KJ

    This poem was a good write though you could use some improvement. It was kind of hard for me to understand it, seeing that it was sort of scattered around. Im not saying that it was bad or anything, its just hard to understand for me. But I gave it a 4/4 =}
    Good Job

    PaSsIoNaTe kIsSeS

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