Fake Hopes.

This is not the life i want or deserve
this world is bigger than me and my problems
i can't keep going but i can't start again
seriously i don't have time to regret what have i done or haven't
i don't have time for this life but am living up
when i think in hell my heart beats fast as if i like it
it feels better than the place i belong
there are too many questions and SO many answers
i Feel MESSY
i want to search for a place to hide till i die
i don't wake up..cuz i don't want to
am SO tired of being me
days come by not stopping taking me down
i don't wanna wake up for the real world
cuz in that moment am NOT gonna stop running
from the truth or till i find the better part of me
people try to talk to me looking to me in the eye
am trying to answer it's a part of this game
behind these eyes i hide my fears my tears
such a painful memories come to my brain
it affects my laugh..it's the way i smile
it's the way i look to the people like U R A BIG nothing
everybody are doing fine without me
everything is out of control with me
i was so blind to see this truth
everything is falling apart around me
i waited so long..now it's the time
to fell on the ground and never stand up
a corner in my room saw all the stuff i did
to end my life
everything i have in this world is not gonna be mine from now on
cuz am falling apart have no power to protect my own stuff
my face is blue my hands are shaking
my heart is cold enough to stay numb till the last moment of my life
tonight there is just me and myself
to give the last decision
to be here in this world do nothing
stay with the fears and hopes to die
or to be in the next level of this life
waiting for the happiness to come
life can't control me any more
i think it's the last one (decision)...
every single part of me wants to die so why would I like to live