by Vernon Jan 25, 2008
category :
Life, society /
about society
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Why do we hate, why do we fight |
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I like the idea of the poem, and think it could be much better if you just changed a few things, like the fact that the rhyming structure in the first stanza is different to all the others, as well as perhaps restructuring some of the lines because they seem a little muddledat times. I think if you changed these couple of things or just work on it a little more then this piece could be much stronger and powerful. |