We didn't invite you. Our car was full, then you'd have to take your own, and then you'd want someone to ride with you. "Who wants to ride with her...?"
..."No one!"
So yeah, it's just better that you didn't go... :)

"What's that number for 911 again?"

I LIKE YOU!

(don't believe everything you read)

*(props to David)*

Oh yea? You know WHY?!

Because you touch yourself at night.

*(props to Blake)*

So the elephant says to the naked man, "Thats cute and all, but can you really breathe through that thing?"

*Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.*

ATTENTION:

Due to *lack of interest*, tomorrow has been cancelled.

I'm rad, you're rad,

*LETS HUG*

:)

Valentine's day:

like we really need another day of the year to feel like sh*t because we're single. thank you effin' hallmark.

LOIS: "Okay Peter, this one's easy...What is the color of a fire truck?"

PETER: "Oh, GOSH, don't tell me...don't tell me...what are the color of those red fire trucks? Damn, I don't know....."

*FAMILY GUY-gotta love it!*