ERIK WON'T TELL ME WHO HIS GIRLFRIEND IS! HE NEEDS TO TELL ME BEFORE HE PROPOSES TO HER!

He fought against a punching bag...and lost!

Choosing the difference between right and wrong is one thing...but choosing the greater of two goods, or the lesser of two wrongs...that is what shapes our lives.

I don’t think we won that trip to Ireland…

When life…or anyone, for that matter…lets you down, just imagine them in a pink tutu, dancing to Swan Lake!

He doesn’t have the time to write a letter…no, he doesn’t have the mental capacity!

A good friend will console you when he breaks up with you, but a real friend will be the one who will walk right up to him and say, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

This is my boyfriend...he just hasn't asked me out yet.

The world needs more rubber sidewalks.

I wish my grass was emo—then it would cut itself!