Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you...I wish that someday I'd dream bout my pillow and I'd be hugging you.

I may be BENT, but not BROKEN, everything happens for a REASON. Because if GOD brings you to it, HE will bring you through it.

If you leave your children behind, pay your child support on time.

You wanna be an air force ranger, you wanna live a life of danger, you don't wanna get raped by strangers.

Dear guys who say condoms are uncomfortable, I've heard giving birth is pretty uncomfortable too...

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitch hiking serial killer.

Killer: Turn down that dark road.
Rapist: I was planning on it.

"I like the way this girl operates! She showed me her butt before she shows me her face! Is she a stripper?"
~ Onizuka (Great Teacher Onizuka)

"That painting is large and unattractive. It reminds me of your mother." ~ Richard Moore speaking to his daughter (Detective Conan)

I need breakfast! If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me.

I'm not saying you're ugly, I'm just saying you're about 8 beers away from being my type.