If your ex texts you saying 'I miss you' that means the other person they tried to replace you with failed.

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well.

I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.

Dear 11 year old on Facebook with 'It's complicated.' Seriously????? What did he do??? Steal your animal crackers??

If Caitlyn Jenner can win woman of the year I see no reason why Donald Trump's hair can't win the Westminister Kennel Club Dog Show.

Phone sex; I'll bet it wasn't what that telemarketer was expecting.

I want to be your favorite hello, and I want to be your hardest goodbye.

You had me at 0 mutual friends.

My last loving relationship involved a spare electrical outlet at an airport departure gate.

Whenever I take a girl out on a first date I always shake her hand with my left hand because I don't want her to meet her competition just yet.