New condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Forever is a long time. But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.

Get out of my head and fall into my arms instead.

If love was water I'd give you an ocean.

Love isn't blind. It's retarded.

Failing only hurts you, hearts only break you. There's no love to save you.

Dear girls: The sooner one of you bites the bullet and becomes my girlfriend, the sooner I leave the rest of you alone. #Takeonefortheteam

It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you cant have them in your arms.