Are you a kleptomaniac-or did you steal my heart on purpose?

Me: How are you feeling today?
Her: Fine.
Me: I asked how you were feeling, not how you looked.

Fox News: "If you aren't getting dumber, we aren't doing our job."

If losing you didn't hurt so bad, then winning you wouldn't feel so good.

If you run naked around a tree at about 87 km/h, there is a possibility of fcuking yourself

Dream as if you have forever. But live as if you only have today.

In order to get the rainbow you must tolerate the rain...

Marriage is a three ring circus. An engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffer-ring

Next blocked number that calls me I'm answering
"Jims wh0re house, you got the dough, we got the ho"

This material life with all it's value doesn't mean a thing to me without you.