I was licking an ice cream cone, when I just--Schomp! It fell in his lap.
-Mel

Are y'all dead? Good, cos I really don't have time to go to a funeral.
-MM

There's been a stabbing, you got a camera?
-Jason

When she's being a b----, I'm going to be a b---- back. I'm sorry but she's got to learn to be a proper b----.
-CJ

I think people first got AIDS from eating monkeys...atleast I hope they were eating them.
-Erin

Psychiatrists don't prescribe viagra.
-Kat

We might have to drop a D-cell battery in a sock to take care of this.
-Jason

We will die a slow and painful death, but we will not be stressed out.
-MM

My parents have these manx cats, and I hate to pet them, because there's no closure.
-Jordan

The reason for the platypus.