Valedico's Poetry Contest: Part I

Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Welcome to the fourth P&Q site contest! You, the contestants, with your endless talent have the chance, here, to prove to the world that you've got what it takes to take the P&Q crown and become the King (or queen!) of poetry and make everyone around you shudder with your set of linguistic skills.

Now if you'll all gather round, I'll stop talking like an overdramatic sports presenter and cut to the chase.

First I'd like to congratulate Sib on winning the previous contest and Jacey for hosting such a great contest previous to this one.

I know you're all anxious to jump right in and write away so I'll just quickly state that this contest will hopefully be the most challenging/fun contest as of yet! having said that, the first round will be relatively simple as to get as many of you writing off the mark as possible!

The rules are simple and mostly the same as the previous few contests:

-You will have 5 days to write your poems. So exactly 120 hours from now, round one will be over and your fates decided by the hands of the judges!

-Depending on the turn out, elimination will be obviously to those who score less points from the judges.

-Each round will have its own set of individual rules to make it more exciting!

--------------

ROUND ONE:
-Write a poem that is no longer than 75 words.

-It can be about any chosen topic but it must not go over the word count or the poem will not be accepted.

-The aim of this round is to test your abilities to confine your expressions and edit down ideas into something small, bitesized and memorable. Size matters, right? ;)

-3 bonus points to whoever hands their poem in first
-2 points for second
-1 for the third.

-Judging will take place over two days.

-Poems are due on Saturday Night, 11:00 GMT in British time.

-If you have any questions, you know where to find me!

I hope you all have fun with this one guys! I've got some nice surprises for you all! (:
GOOD LUCK!
GO!

Lol the - are just bullet points, bunches.

We've had one poem in already guys! three more bonus points are left for grabs!

Looks like an incredible contest already and I can't wait to see how this all unfolds! :]

Three entries so far, so there are no more bonus points up for grabs!

I hope he has 26!

Only 5 !

Keep 'em coming!

7!

Two, and I have eleven entries so far

5 hours!

How many poems you got? Is there time left?

Mmmm I doubt that Jane; he said

-Poems are due on Saturday Night, 11:00 GMT in British time.

and as far as I know in UK it's umm 11:30 PM now.

If there is still time, how can i submit?

ok guess times up

^^
By sending your poem in a pm to Danny (Valedico). Good luck!

Okay!

First of all, thank you to everyone who participated! Some fantastic work here you guys.

The poems I have received are below. 5 unfortunate poets ill be eliminated from this bunch, and 12 talented poets will proceed to the next challenge. Now, everyone hang tight whilst judging happens over the next two days! I'll update this soon! Thank you!

--------------------------------------

1) I Give All My Secrets To You.
You, the light that
burns in the middle
of the dreary day,
you hold all my secrets
in your ever so
willing and capable
mind.

My story is held
within your rough
exterior,
painted with your
softened touches.

I'll give you all my passion
to cradle in your
cracked, rugged hands
as they show me the
hard work you will
always promise to give.

--

2) Mistletoe
Sweet kisses I stole from you
under the mistletoe
On the eve of Christmas
The night I would fall
You know that can never
be taken from me
The memory will live on
Even though you are gone

The love I will give
Shall always be true
As winter must
Come before spring
You may dwell in my mind
Like mistletoe in a tree
Living forever
In my heart as a summers dream

--

3) Aroma of a Memory
The lingering fragrance
of a perfume
I thought only you would wear,
my mind spins about -
wanting to catch a glimpse
of your beauty.
The scent sends memories
streaming through my eyes,
a quick look around
reveals that it is not you
my senses picked up.
The thoughts of our former love dissipate,
along with the scent
that reminds me of you.
Perhaps someday it will be yours.

--

4) Mass Confusion
Deceptive flowers
Hidden death
Their smell, so sweet
A lover's breath

Lull you in
False perception
This, your future
Self-deception

Softest petals
Brilliant red
Screaming of
The lives they've bled

You, the fly
In web, entangled
Flashing by
Dreams now strangled

Beauty comes
In many forms
What doesn't hurt
Then transforms

--

5) Bouquet of Love
she dances blushing
among tangerine flowers
and blended fruit
filtering the air
with an inevitable scent
revealing exotic secrets within
wondering if perhaps...
he will invite himself closer
to dance, soaking up the fragrance
of her love as she sings
unraveling soulful secrets
placing them into his heart
with an intoxicating
touch he can't resist.

--

6) Pointless
There is silence
as the words flow from the lips of one
to the ears of another.

This is followed by more silence
as the words are processed;
reaction begins to take over.

Anger.
Frustration.
Sorrow.
Guilt.
Denial.
All shadowed by more anger.

A cycle, you might say.
Many do.
But as the brain processes words,
Another process clicks into action:
Emotion.

If all that can be
Said
Can be felt...

Why are words needed?

--

7) A Landscape
Winter breathes in
the subtle colors

a does hide, tawny eyelash
brown, smoothed against
the musty green of pine

the flaking bark of birches,
gleaming soft metallic
in a feathered wisp of moon

the blue-gray bend of snow shadow,
cruved like
the throats of birds
who sing awake the dark morning

Twilight spills its umbra
thick and mottled gray

the color of rotting violets,
or a sonata played
late at night, note by
note.

--

8) Already gone
Across the hills and mountains
I once loved to slide bare skinned
My eyes roam and stop abruptly
A soft sigh, fluttering eyelashes
A small hand reaches for me
Touching the part,
Always eager
To celebrate her womanhood
Yet now
Refuses to pay tribute
It knows, as I know...
As I catch a glimpse of my hollow eyes
In the mirror facing us
I am already gone.

--

9) Sadness; Along The Shores
Alas it's sadness;
which within I sail.
Tossing on the ocean;
as it's majestic woven
wings spread my pain in the air.
For the beats of my affection
leap with my hopes abroad.

At the meeting of the shores
where the sun kisses the
sand-banks; warming the shallow waters.

Yet my feelings against the subtle wind,
stir with fear of some misfortune overtaking
alongside;

these wearied ships of my saddened heart.

--

10) Treasure
I awoke this morning
in a sad empty room
a prison of my making
four walls my only comfort
bereft of belongings
of any sort
no photos, chairs, nor even a bed
a blanket my only companion
as I lay, staring
a kaleidoscope of happy, mainly sad
till
my thoughts took fright, flying free
although she may have everything else
she can not have the thing she sought most
what makes me, me
my soul.

--

11) The Trees, The Road and Me
"Where leads your road, oh swaying bough?"
I asked a tree on right;
It replied, "You will reach somehow
Through quest of day and night
Somewhere afar you're yet to near,
So far as it may be"
"And you'll always find me right here" -
There quoth a left-side tree...

--

12) Dreamworld
Life's grandest moments
through flowery fields
and unclimbable dreams

... we measured

Time passed us by
now, offended
by each gray strand

...we reminisced

Picture perfect at Mount Kilimanjaro;
at the garden of midnight stars
as smoke rings filled the air

... we conquered

Dreams we do not know are dreams not wasted.
But dreams we shared are dreams foretoken
For, not and never, a sunrise could shut them

...to sleep

--

13) Past Life
You've often reminded of
Spanish castanets,
flamencos,
star-embroidered
nights, campfires,
freshly-cut wood,
silk,
and sunrise reflecting
upon golden anklets

but then your gaze
would meet mine

Music would die,
Skies would storm,

A glass would shutter,
soundlessly, upon
marble floors

and heels would click
hurriedly
after mine

''excuse me,
have we met before?''

I'd shake my head
and you'd whisper
in sadness

''it's just that you remind me of
eastern music.''

--

14) Missing You...
Torrents of my shattered breath
Shake the suffering silence,
Forcing a forsaken verb

~Love~

To fall from the randomly polished sky of
Dead Roses,
And,
Like a violet fog, to hang
Above the blue waves of my ocean
And become Fate's poetic reminder of what
The persistence of Real Loss is,
As I wonder blinded
In the garden of life

--

15) Up in the Air
3AM ...
Another night
of black coffee
-thoughts-
with a pinch
of sugar.

Half bitten nails
never breaking skin
yet ...
hurts nonetheless.

A wishful toss of a coin
that lands
within my palm

between ...

A silent thought
and a crushing sigh

If only life
could be so simple ....

--

16) True Lady
I can see her

man-eating lips
getting tired of nibbling smoke;

a dragon not reaching her thighs,
but wrinkling
like an insecure reptilian
that's just broken its egg
to be stunned by that
big ball
of fire in the sky.

She used to tattoo
man(l)y hearts
with a flicker of fingernails.

But her lungs had
rotten to the bones
as her soul grew bigger

unlike breasts.

-------------------------------------

The poems in your contest are so different to the ones I saw in the other contests, Danny!

I think you draw a different crowd, how exiting..maybe people that never come to the boards?

Hello everyone!
The results are in! It's very very tight at the top.

Like I already mentioned, 5 of these poets will not make it to the next round. 1 poet has already pulled out of the next round so that will leave us with 10 poets! I want to thank the judges for stepping up and helping out with this first round. So without further ado, the results are:

--

1ST PLACE: Past life (41 pts)
14 + 12 + 15

-Really unique piece! A moment worthy of ink, so beautiful.

-Again, a couple of little typos that needed corrected. This poem stared off really well and had some very good 'sultry' images which I did enjoy. It got a little confusing towards the end and I wasn't really keen on the ending, It just seemed rather abrupt but, again the author was restricted in this write.

-Wow, I love this. I was thrown into the setting after rereading the first couple lines (because I was initially bewildered by the wording), and found myself gaping longingly into the story without realizing I was reading words on a computer screen. Beautiful write, I am impressed. Exotic, ethnic, and relatable. You have your own voice and an interesting way of expressing profundity. I would write more but I'm too blown away.

--

2ND PLACE: Dreamworld (40 pts)
15 + 16 + 9

-This was quite breathtaking. Excellent structure. Really liked the line, "Time passed us by
now, offended by each gray strand". Great work!

-I've given this top vote because I thought it was a well thought out verse. It's a pity this person was restricted to 75 words because I felt the journey would have expanded into many other memories and dreams so perhaps outwith the guidelines for stage one this author could write a whole lot more and I would be glad to read it.

-The "..." then "we something" totally detracted from the poem. I had to reread it several times because I was getting so confused. Without those poetic leaps, the poem is still difficult to follow, but some things struck me very pleasantly. The last two stanzas are beefier and more delicious than the first two - not sure if this was intentional, but I would have liked if all four stanzas were similar in heft. You, poet, definitely have the mind of a poet, but this poem was a leap that you didn't land all too gracefully.

--

3RD PLACE: Sadness; Along These Shores (39 pts)
11 + 14 + 14

-love the metaphor. I think you kind of nailed it. The flow was fabulous, nice wording, all that. Very good!

-there was a melancholy tone to this verse which I loved. I think this author was very clever in using the ocean and a ship as metaphors here because it gave the reader a visual image which tied in so well with the message in this verse.

-It's should be its if you mean it possessively, not 'it is.' Please be careful with grammar. The content of the poem overwhelmed me with sadness. I was moved emotionally, and that takes talent. Great oceanic imagery with dual meaning - I'm impressed and thrilled to have come across such a pretty, somber piece. The poet clearly has a voice. Kudos.

--

4TH PLACE: Up in the Air (38 pts)
16 + 11 + 11

-I adore the simplicity in the way this was written. I believe it was necessary to effectively get your message across. This reminded me of Brian Patten's piece, "You asked me for a poem", which is an absolute marvel. Really love this poem, great job!

-I think this author was very clever to keep this poem simple and to the point. There was only one image in the verse and I actually like that.

-Ahh! Too many "..." and the last one isn't even just 3, they have to add a full FOUR - sorry, this is a huge annoyance to me. I don't think it's poetic, I think it's ostentatious and unnecessary. That aside, this poem is very easy to relate to and I was imagining myself up at night, anxious and melancholic. The poet is transparently skilled and mature. I appreciate the subject matter and the way it was expressed with realism and symbolism brought together.

--

5TH PLACE: A Landscape (36 pts)
9 + 15 + 12

-Imagery doesn't get any clearer, or more beautiful than this. It was a nice tranquil piece.

-Although there were a couple of small typos in this verse I still felt it was very well written and I have overlooked them. The volcab was good without being overdone and there were some beautiful images I felt.

-Lack of grammar in the second stanza completely threw me off of the intended imagery - as does hide, or a doe's hide? Which did you mean? Grammar is utterly important in conveying messages, but this poet didn't seem to think so. "Cruved" should be "curved," I think. Moving on from grammar and spelling, the entirety of this piece is quite lovely. Excellent, fresh word choices that make the imagery pop out of the page. Nice idea bringing in the present season... it definitely enhances appeal. Some of the "the" usage should be trimmed. Good writing overall.

--

6TH PLACE: The Trees, The Road and Me (36 pts)
10 + 13 + 13

-I love any poem where you're chatting with a tree. Cool idea, nice little message. This piece just oozes wisdom.

-This was tricky and I'm not sure if I got the true message behind it. My interpretation is that the tree will be on the right when we pass it first time around but, if we do return to this place again it will be on the left but it will still be there to guide us if it's needed. Not sure if I'm close but it did make me think I will say that.

-Short, sweet, and strong. I appreciate this piece though in its many points of grammar, there still seems to be some lacking. The first semi-colon would do better as a period, and the 6th line should end with a period. The second to last line should end with comma before the closing quote, and the hyphen is unnecessary. I adore the poem regardless. It possesses wisdom that most writers are unable to summon.

--

7TH PLACE: True Lady (35 pts)
13 + 6 + 16

-A solid display of your creativity. Quite thought-provoking, and the imagery was wild, which was refreshing.

-I have to be honest and say I really have no idea what this poem's about but I feel it's slightly better than the remaining ones that will now be eliminated. I have to wonder if the author meant wriggling instead of wrinkling?

-It goes without saying that this poem is a very daring submission for a first round of a site-wide poetry contest. The imagery is mind-boggling, and I mean that in an awesome way. The hypocrisy of "lady" in the title and then the expression of what type of woman this is does more good than harm toward the complete picture. I'm ranking this poem at the top because I'm astounded and affronted. Kudos, kudos. No holds barred! I'd like to see more daring submissions like this one.

--

8TH PLACE: Missing You (27 pts)
12 + 10 + 5

-So beautifully sad. "Like a violet fog, to hang
Above the blue waves of my ocean"
^ This line was pure poetry to me.

-This was well written but I found the slight overuse of adjectives a little distracting. I did, however, like that the word 'Love' was given it's own 'space' made the reader stop and think about it.

-The "~" use and capitalization seemed forced and affected. Some word choices were weak, but I have to give props for grammatical flawlessness - which seems to be running low this contest. "Torrents" was a good word to start with, but where did the uniqueness go from there? It comes back around "a violet fog, to hang Above the blue waves of my ocean," and then that's it. Poof. I know this poet has lots of potential, but I would like to see their skills run rampant without all the flowery nonsense.

--

9TH PLACE: Bouquet of Love (24 pts)
7 + 9 + 6

-I did love the title of this verse and the visual images were so very good I could almost smell the fragrance in the air. I just felt it lost something towards the end but, once again I feel it's because of the restrictions in your first round.

-Beautiful imagery and the word choices are not unique, but they blend together nicely. This poet has taken time to hone their skills, but grammatical correctness is lacking which makes the lines not flow as smoothly as they would otherwise. Commas to split up thoughts are a must. The "..." seems to be thrown in without care for what purpose it serves.

--

10TH PLACE: Give all my secrets to you (18 pts)
6 + 1 + 8 + 3BP

-Aaah to be vulnerable again. Love is so sweet while it's in bloom. This piece felt like those early stages of love, all kind and hopeful.

-I'm not saying that this is a bad poem it's actually an okay one but, I think this author could have been more creative with their word usage given that they were only given 75 words to start off with. Too many small words that could have been replaced with something to grab the readers attention a bit more.

-An analogy between an adored person and light in a "dreary day" is cliche, but the imagery here is tasteful. "Ever so" threw me off with its attempt at poetic finesse and "capable" seems like a dull adjective for the subject's mind. The second stanza has contradicting elements which may or may not be intentional. The start of the first stanza and the start of the last stanza are the strongest points of the entire poem, but everything else feels like filler. The imagery of cracked, rugged hands is nice, but the final line and a half is weak - "you will always promise to give." The wording lacks flow.

--

11TH PLACE: Already Gone (18 pts)
8 + 7 + 3

-I'm not sure if my interpretation will be anywhere close but, having read it over and over I'm still a little confused. Perhaps it's about a spirit returning to some place where childhood memories still linger. I'm not really sure but it did intrigue me somewhat.

-The first two lines captured me. I wanted to see where I was being taken, but I never found out. If this poem was written by a male, I could interpret the story as: the writer once reveled in feminine bodies but has since lost interest in them. I'm probably off mark. The imagery is nice, but there needs to be linear thought. The poet hops from thought to thought without much connection. At least the poem made me think.

-----------------------------------

12TH PLACE: Pointless (16 pts)
4 + 2 + 10

-This one unfortunately did nothing for me. I really didn't like silence followed by more silence, sorry.

-I wanted to overlook this poem at first glance because I saw single words being listed which doesn't appear very poetic... I'm glad I didn't overlook it and gave proper attention because there is an important message. The poet seems to have written this piece from the heart which creates a setting more enjoyable for readers to delve into. Though the message is almost too vague, it is still there and it forced me think. If a poem can make me think, it's worthy of recognition. Well done.

--

13TH PLACE: Aroma of a Memory (14 pts)
2 + 4 + 7 + 1BP

-I just feel there could have been a lot more done with this verse. It seemed a little lazily put together.
'The scent sends memories
streaming through my eyes,'
I honestly did not make any sense of these two lines.

-I like that this poem contains a story. With so few lines, that takes creativity and an ability to probe deeper than the surface. Very romantic to use the scent of a woman's perfume as the basis for missing her, though it's not entirely new and the poem itself needs some tightening up. Many words are clearly fillers. By taking out 10 or so of these fillers, the content would be stronger and striking. As a work in progress, I am impressed. As a finished product, I am dissatisfied.

--

14TH PLACE: Mass Confusion (14 pts)
5 + 8 + 1

-This one flowed exceptionally well and did have a really wise message within the words.

-The focus of the poem doesn't stray from beginning to end, which is great. The rhyme-scheme is basic and the words rhymed aren't bad. "Mass Confusion" as a title makes me massively confused considering what the poem is about - how deceptive beauty can be, unless I am mistaken? I appreciate the concept, but it's unoriginal. This poet has potential but needs to gain maturity and their own voice.

--

15TH PLACE: Mistletoe (12 pts)
3 + 5 + 2 + 2BP

-This was a nice poem but I just didn't feel the author has done enough with it to go through to the next round.

-Stolen sweet kisses is a cute image, but the entire first stanza is hard to follow perhaps because of the capitalization at the beginning of lines and lack of grammatical structure throughout. Some commas or periods wouldn't hurt. The second stanza contains a nice parallel between everlasting love and the reliability of seasons changing, but again the lack of structure is daunting. Also, the content could be deeper and more personalized.

--

16TH PLACE: Treasure (8 pts)
1 + 3 + 4

-I saw no connection between the title and content of this verse.
'a kaleidoscope of happy, mainly sad
till'
Not really sure where this was going, it was very confusing and seemed contradictive.

-'Nor' would sound better if it was 'not.' Grammar is lacking. It seems many poets are afraid of using grammar because they may use it incorrectly, but using it too seldom and sporadically is a bigger mistake. The first two thirds of the poem struck me pleasantly, especially the use of kaleidoscope. I was pleased until the end, which is painfully reminiscent of teen-angst. Who is this she and why did she want your soul? Actually, I don't care. Unless you can use "soul" in a fresh way, avoid using it at all. It's one of those words that's overused in young poetry.

--------------------------

Thank you to everyone. Congratulations to those moving on, a hearty 'better luck next time' to those who haven't! Stay tuned for round two!

Unique; I love the job that's being done.. the judges sound like they truly are reading each poem more than once; since most of the comments; that I read are deep; and precise..

nice work... good luck guys.. and congrats for those who made it!

Fantastic poems; I did not have the enough time to read them all before today..

Keep it up!

Nice start Danny.

Congrats to all who went to round two and also to those who dared to enter, but did not go to the second round!

I am glad to see that the judges have made really good descisions and they also seem to each have distinct taste. The poems were wonderful and I can't wait to see the end turn out of this all. Also like to give props to Danny for making this contest possible.

Like I pointed out, I had to ask emergency judges and they didn't necessarily have time to put comments down for all of them. I'm just thankful I got some great judges to help me out. (:

"This cracked me up, since there was a typo..haha! :P Had to point it out..lol."

Past Life, right? Where is the typo? I think you might be reading the first couple lines wrong, Britt? I know I read them wrong at first but had to rephrase in my head, then they made sense...

Great job, judges. Good stuff.

Oh gotcha. Well in a poetry contest, I assume it matters more that the poetry has typos than that the judge's comments have them. I don't know. Meh, that is kinda funny.

There's interesting disparity in points this past round of judging. I give props to the judges for reading poems intently and it's great there are obvious different tastes on board.

Oh!
...let's talk about........
the Art of
-punctuation-
shall we?...
~controversial~

I don't agree with many of the placements, but I'm glad the judges raised issue with how damn annoying all that crap is.
Here are the basic tools: commas and full stops. Line breaks can be quite effective spacers in reading as well.
"..." should be used a maximum of once per poem, and only if actually necessary for an effect that cannot be created otherwise.
-this- is stupid. Delete the dashes and use the natural space around the word. Dashes can be good before a statement, but they are definitely not the word-hugging types.
Semi-colons are transvestite hermaphrodites that only show you've been to college.
I don't even know what the squiggly line that took me ages to find on the keyboard is called, but this "~" was created to add accents to words like 'senor'. Not to make your poem pretty. Your words are what should be making your poem pretty.

Let poetry evolve and all that, but let it evolve for the better.

In my taste, at least.

I agree. Cut all the - and ... and ; and ~ out unless they're adding to how your poem is read, not silly adornments like sparkles on a painting. The sparkles detract from the natural beauty!

Ahahaha
Semi colons are used to list things and to put a break longer than a comma in. I like them. I used about 80 in my newest poem. :)

The semi-colon statement is a quote I always use from Kurt Vonnegut, a man who only used semi-colons with the finest aplomb.

Sure, when they're used correctly, they're great. Unfortunately, most people don't know how to use them :)

Dang, I love Vonnegut.
Dang, I love aplomb.

''-this- is stupid. Delete the dashes and use the natural space around the word. Dashes can be good before a statement, but they are definitely not the word-hugging types. ''

I have to say I'm always guilty for hugging whole phrases, not only words, with this. but not for creating a pause, not at all.

It's simply that, in Arabic language (along with other I guess?) writing in between two dashes means that the part in -there- is an extended image that you could do without, and the part after it is the rest of the part before it.

like here for example..

''Dip your thorns into my vein
for it's only you;

-who has stood between
the Candelabra
of love
and the shadows of hate

yet felt none-

that would envy me my pain''

This is more like....

''Dip your thorns into my vein
for it's only you;

that would envy me my pain''

so that's why I, and maybe others, write sometimes like -this-

The last sentence has nothing to do with the sentence before it but the first part and I fell it would be confusing if I left everything ''swimming'' in.

I'm not sure if there is another punctuation for it in English other than a '','' is there?

^ That makes a lot more sense now and if a poet is hugging a line or thought for exactly this purpose then that's tight. I approve. Thanks for explaining :)

Ah! I haven't read much Arabic. Not in Arabic. It does make better sense now.

(Parentheses could work equally effectively.)

I often use punctuation to create a space for the word because this site won't let us put spaces from the side so we have to improvise

Yes, something like parenthesis, most probably, since we don't really have much use or existence of parenthesis in Arabic, if any, except in some of the modern writings. I've considered using parentheses once or twice though, I don't know about everyone, but to me it didn't look quite right in poems for some reason. (maybe it's just me?)

Noo, space bar doesn't seem to work :S

Same here Britt and it also looked weird and read weirder to me.

*waves to Danny*

Sorry, Danny, I've cut you off.

Yes you did, you evil woman!

My first poem ever was about ants... and the structure of the poem was shaped like an ant. I was so pumped to submit it to PnQ when I first discovered this site! (Only to discover you can't do such a thing).

Yep, definitely adding that to the Honey-do list for Janis.

Danny, I'm a witch. remember? what else were you expecting? XD

Jane, I think you could write your poem in between dots and shape it whatever you want? or more like place dots just before each line, as much as needed, to create the shape? I saw people doing such before.