Friends With Your Ex.

Is it ever a good idea to befriend your ex if you are in a new relationship? Could it ever work being JUST FRIENDS.. or will it always cause problems in the new relationship?

Before my boyfriend and I went out we were best friends, but we were on again, off again. I finally ended it because of a jealousy issue. I broke up with him a few months ago, but right after our break up we were best friends again. We were constantly arguing, but always had one thing in common -- we were crazy for each other (:
I still have strong feelings for him, but I have a current boyfriend who I also have strong feelings for.

It just all depends on the type of person you are. If you can forget and forgive, or if you hold a grudge.

Sometimes, I feel guilty because I still like my ex and am best friends with him when I have a boyfriend...but you just have to learn to get over that. I'm still in the process of that, and I probably won't get over it for a while.
My ex and I agreed that if my current boyfriend and I broke up, we would try going out again.

Just...don't pressure yourself. There's tons of possibilities.

Well, my situation is: my ex and I broke up a year ago and it was over a lot of drama, and it was messy and it ended terribly. We had one final blow up and didnt speak to each other after that at all. A few months after that, I got into a relationship and me and my guy are still together. We have been together for 8 months now.

So a few weeks ago my ex calls me out of nowhere, after a year of having no type of communication at all and he started apologizing for everything and asked if we could try to be friends. And I dont hold grudges against anyone and had no hard feelings toward him anymore, so I said we could. Because we used to be good friends.

Of course I told my guy about it, and he wasn't particularly happy with it but he said he will trust my judgement.
But the problem is, the way my ex talks, I can tell he still has some feelings for me and makes flirty type comments to see how I would react. But he says he isn't trying to ruin what I have with my guy and he respects me and just wants to be friends.

I don't really know how to handle this.... or if I should even trust his motives at this point. Because he spent the last year of his life hating me and now he suddenly wants to be friends? I dont know....

I think it depends on the people and the relationship...I'm like bestfriends with one of my ex boyfriends but we realized that we were better as best friends than in a relationship...other boyfriends I'm friends with because we didn't feel anything for each other.

Just like what I said, it all depends on the type of person you are or what the relationship was like.

I am best friends with my ex but he thinks we are better as best friends, even though we both feel something for each other.

Just take time and think it through. Ask yourself questions. Do you think you could be friends without it being awkward? (even though it is awkward between my ex and i every once in a while) And can you keep yourself from being mad if he gets another girlfriend?

I still friends with my ex....things are kind of ok......his Best friend likes me so i gues its ok:D

I mentioned earlier about being friends with my ex, and I said it was pretty easy, but...today, I found out he liked someone, and I broke down in tears. I guess I wasn't as over him as I thought.

So, even though it's hard to continue to be friends with your ex, but it's totally worth it. I would never want to loose my ex as my best friend.

I hear what all of you are saying, and basically it comes down to, you say it's okay to be friends with your ex but all of you still have some sort of feelings for your exes, or they do for you.

That is not the type of friendship I am looking for, where it's a thin line between being friends one day and suddenly ending up in each other's arms the next bc it "feels familiar", or you "have history".

I guess it's best for me to stay away from a friendship with my ex, if I don't want to be emotionally unfaithful in my current relationship.

I'll keep my response specific to your situation. If I give a generalized opinion it would be much like Britt has said, haha.

There's nothing wrong with continuing a friendship with an ex, it can be done, even if it's been this long after you broke up that you do. Entering a relationship from a friendship or reverting back to a friendship from a relationship takes time. And if things ended with a lot of drama then that makes sense why it took so long. Wounds need to heal. Like you said, it took time for you to not hold a grudge or have hard feelings towards him anymore. Likewise the same goes for him, whether he held a grudge against you or otherwise hard feelings until now, was angry with himself or still had feelings for you, it takes time to get over them and move on.

Go with your gut. If you suspect he has feelings with you you should confront him. Even if he doesn't have feelings for you anymore, if the way he talks to you or his flirty type comments make you uneasy then you need to let him know they are unacceptable. I'm not sure if when you find out he does have feelings for you, or even if he doesn't but still makes these comments or acts this way, if you plan to end the friendship. That's completely up to you.

I've been in similar situations before, not with an ex but with someone who had a crush on me. He knew I was in a committed relationship and I just wanted to be friends, but he still made unacceptable comments that I did not approve of. I can respect his feelings towards me and in general, it's flattering really, but if he can not respect that we are just friends (if that's not enough for him) or respect that I am in a committed relationship (show respect to my fiance even if he doesn't know him), then I'm afraid we just can't be friends. I still talk to him on rare occasion, but there is by no means a friendship of any kind. A friendship with him was not enough for him and he did not respect me, my fiance or our relationship. It wouldn't be fair to my boyfriend or fair to this other guy.

That would be my advise to you as well. Whether he still has feelings for you or not (if it's just the way he talks to you, the flirty comments or actions), if he can not respect you are in a committed (I assume, correct me if I'm wrong) relationship, respect you and respect your boyfriend then it would be best to end the friendship. It wouldn't be fair to your boyfriend or to your ex if he does indeed still have feelings for you.

To: On Cupids Bad Side

I saw that you typed "I don't want to be unfaithful in my current relationship" -- or something along the lines of that.

This is suggesting you still have feelings for your ex and just because you do doesn't mean you have to be unfaithful. Even though I still have feelings for my ex, I haven't been unfaithful. Nor do I intend to be.
It's completely natural to like more that one person. It's human. We aren't very good at controlling our emotions...sometimes, we feel something we don't want to feel.
Just don't give in.
Just avoid going places alone with your ex, that is, if y'all decide to be friends.

"This is suggesting you still have feelings for your ex and just because you do doesn't mean you have to be unfaithful."

"It's completely natural to like more that one person."

^ Both very true. However I don't think I'd use the word natural, who's to same what's natural and what's not. I think common among people is a better word.

To: Elizabeth

COMMON is a better word. I was having a word block so I just substituted with NATURAL, lol.

To: On Cupids Bad Side

Just Private Message me with any questions. Hope everything works out (:

^^ Dave, you always seem to have the right words of wisdom. I agree with you completely.

The chances are pretty slim when it comes to being 'just friends'. It doesn't mean it can't happen.
I think those slim chances come when it ends on mutual terms.

I'm in agreement with dave on this one.

If you're thinking ''too much'' about it and into it, which you obviously are doing, then I think no it's not a good idea.

Thanks for all your advice.. It has been helpful, and I'm actually trying to stay away from my ex now, I've decided it would be best to remain in each other's past.

But I am now curious, what is the Bizmarkie song? Lol

To: Hannah Elizabeth

There's more ways to be unfaithful to your current partner then just physically. You can be unfaithful emotionally as well. That's how I took her comment about being unfaithful. Emotional cheating hurts too.

But anyways, I've never managed being friends with my ex's much as I've tried :P I was friends with one of them before we started dating and I was hoping to keep that friendship after we broke up, we cut all communication for a while and then tried to be friends again but now we're just down to talking every once in a while, kinda like the conversations you have with someone you just met about the weather lol But really? we're ok with that, we still count each other as friends, we're just different.

Another one I didn't make that clean cut for a while to let things heal before we tried being friends after breaking up. 3 years later we've hurt each other more trying to be friends then we did in the short time we dated. He still loves me and I just feel sorry for him.

Honestly though? I'd follow the clean cut is best unless children are involved. Most times it just does more damage and causes more pain otherwise. Plus of course like others have said, the number of partners willing to be ok with you having an ex as a friend is pretty slim lol

If there is still an attraction from either side or especially both sides, I say it's a no go. Don't do it.

I'm friends with plenty of my ex boyfriends but it's so platonic, it's ridiculous. Nothing for new boyfriends to worry about! And if they do worry about it, it's a (insecurity) problem that belongs to them... not me.
However, that's not to say that I would put it all on them if their dislike of the friendship was rational. It wouldn't be right if I was flirting with my ex's or having intimate relationships with them. Intimacy can be emotional as well as physical.

^^ But I still think it's alright to be friends with your EX and have feelings if you don't let anything happen.

I, like I said before, am best friends with my EX, John, but even though I have feelings for him I don't "Get Together" with him. We simply act like best friends.

^^ I DO know several people who think it's okay that I hang out with my EXs. And one of those people was my boyfriend.
And yes, it's hard sometimes to let things go, but the reason I'm BFFs with my EX is because we were BFFs BEFORE we went out. He'd been a part of my life for so long. I am starting to let go too. So I don't lack the ability to let things go completely.

I really don't want to sound mean, but from what I've posted....well, you just don't know the whole story...nobody does. It's way too complicated. And that is a reason why it's been so hard to let go. Also because we dated for 4 years.
And I CAN let go, but that doesn't mean I can let go completely of what happend between John and I.

Actually, I broke up with my boyfriend. I just wasn't ready for a long term relationship (I have had a lot of stressful stuff going on) and he'd known John was my EX and best friend. He was completely cool with it because HE was friend with his EXs.

Yeah something like that

My ex and I had a nasty break-up three years ago and hated each other for awhile. By the end of summer that year we started acting civil towards each other again and we talked here and there, but he was often away at school so we never hung out. A month ago we hung out for the first time, but two of our mutual friends were there too. It was only a little weird, but we hugged and talked and had a good time. I think it's still hard because there are usually still feelings there and you always think "what if we work it out?" We talked about hanging out and him meeting my current boyfriend and he said he wouldn't mind that. I never actually talked to my boyfriend about it, and now that things have gotten complicated with him, I still find myself thinking "what if.....?"about my ex, even though I feel like I've moved on.

I guess,...me and my ex didn't have any communication anymore...

It depends on both your ex and your current. Some currents are jealous and can't stand the idea of you being friends with your ex and some ex's are too clingy to be friends.

Dsecrets- agree...

Friendship ends in love..friendship after breakup,,,never..

Friendship ends in love..friendship after breakup,,,never..