HG - Round #3 (RESULTS!!!)

Through this round, 5 people will leave us, and TWO powerful contestants will remain to fight for their lives.

This 3rd round was about writing a collaboration. I, myself, chose the pairs based on the scores range, and also, I chose them from different clubs to make things a little bit tough, but as expected, the results were fabulous.

---------------------- ROUND #3 Comments--------------------

#1 (The orbit of his Life)

- I like the ending of this short poem:
"he fell astray
right towards the end
of a rocky ocean"
However, the use of title-prompts seems very forced:
"struck towards a new Fog-"
"he pecked the septic shaft-
until September."
While the poem centered on the theme literally, I feel it could have taken better inspiration rather than concentrating on the jewel itself. In fact, the greatest problem is the shortness of verse. Perhaps focusing on the object is less conducive to developing a longer work. (10/25)

- 1/1 not exceeding 40 lines
2/2 titles used from weekly contest winners
0.5/1 utilities both abstractness & materialism to a great extent
0.5/1 ends tragically
5/5 sense of 'unity'
3/3 Revolves around mockingjay symbol
2/2 Creativity
6.5/10 technical aspects

The poem is well-written; however the authors lost a bit of marks in the last category due to not capitalizing letters, lack of periods, using hyphens as opposed to semi-colons (not that you can't, however I feel that a semi-colon would be more fitting). Overall it had little mistakes that detracted from the score. I cannot differentiate between who wrote what stanza and that's amazing. I feel that the authors could have came up with a bit more of a tragic ending, as well as incorporate abstractness a bit more into the poem. (20.5/25)

- The title was very good as it gave an insight to what the poem is going to be about. Now to the piece itself, I the two poets did a good job in reflecting the visual of the mocking-jay. However I needed to see more soul put into it. What really captured my attention is the use of September in this piece, I think it added a bit of sadness which actually helps considering the fact that the bird was heading to his tragic end. (19/25)

- The concision of this piece worked nicely. It didn't seem like two poets worked on this one; unity and harmony was indeed strong. The ending , I loved. It is perhaps the most 'tragic' (as required) and written in so few simple, yet well-chosen words. It was a perfect mixture of abstract ("infringing death ponds, / he fell astray") and concrete ("right towards the end / of a rocky ocean.") imagery. The execution and concept is well done, yes. However, this may be a little too simple; the chosen titles (Fog and September) didn't give much depth and it was a little too safe. It didn't leave much to the imagination, unforunately.
Overall; good piece. I enjoyed this one. (21/25)

- Although this may not be longest piece, but that does not mean that you did not work on it just as much as the others have. In fact this is my favorite piece!

The 1st stanza, that image just crossed my mind again, how creative and how deeply expressed. "a new fog"! I LOVE this expression.

Moreover it's really not easy to know who wrote what part. You are like one mind writing lots of novel ideas.

The usage of the titles was very very smart, and they were simply tossed in between your lines, and just flowed well with the piece.
My favorite piece! Well done guys. (25/25)

#2 (Ensnared Phoenix)

- Parts of this seem inspired ("you'd bask in my juvenile enchantment, just like
reserving a sunlounger with a towel. By the time we reach the doorsill it usually shrinks to a washcloth" "adorning yourself with beauty, how you unequivocally own me.") On the other hand, syntax issues detract from the whole ("I condemn me up to alienation" "rebirth will christen" "break habits to reinforce who the original beauty veritably is.") Also, images are thrown out there that don't seem to make sense ("an abridged canary you keep extorting-") and words are used that go far beyond ordinary usage ("around your thumbs that crowd muliebrity" "ascend toward those phoenix beckonings"). The prompts chosen were worked in without a problem, but they were not much of a challenge at all ("You!")
The ending is only sad, not even marginally tragic as required, and it should have ben much more explicit. Overall, the poem awakens interest but does not sustain as well as it should. (12/25)

- 1/1 not exceeding 40 lines
2/2 titles used from weekly contest winners
1/1 utilities both abstractness & materialism to a great extent
0.5/1 ends tragically
4.5/5 sense of 'unity'
2.5/3 Revolves around mockingjay symbol
2/2 Creativity
8.5/10 technical aspects

Another well-written poem; the authors fared quite well on this poem. I could to a small extent differentiate between who wrote what stanzas due to the use of ellipses as well as differentiation in each author's uses of punctuation (one author uses a hyphen as opposed to a semi-colon). I feel that the authors could have revolved the poem just a bit more about the mocking jay (even a little bit more description would have sufficed for a perfect score in that category). The authors did quite well in the last category; however there were some sentences that seemed to be testing the boundaries of their length (it could have easily been split into two sentences) as well use of ellipses in the second-last verse of the last stanza could have been replaced by a hyphen as it seems more fitting). (21/25)

- Well done with the choice of title. This collaboration had a lot of depth and meanings put into it. I find the opening verse so capturing, it made me want to read more. And the point of moving from a towel to a washcloth was so clever. It delivered the meaning of that verse without giving out to much. The use of title was good for the first title "Bygone" but for the second one which it "You" I wished the two poets would have gone with some other more complex title. I saw the struggle and sadness of this piece through the choice of its words, and I loved the image of a phoenix beckoning it gave a strong stability to the verse. A well done collaboration since it combined two different talents in such a beautiful way. (23/25)

- The shifting of poets was a tad too obvious here. And to me, the starting stanzas were not quite strong; they didn't pull me in immediately, only until I reached the third stanza - the canary metaphor, I loved. It was very interesting intertwining it with fate and I did enjoy that. And this:

but all I manage to do is take
the small outline of dreams and
braid a silhouette, feeding
fragrances of bygone loves.

is one of the most beautiful poetical phrases I've read in a while. It really made the piece for me.

As I've stated earlier, the only thing that needs some work here is the collaboration itself. Some verses didn't go well together; it seemed like the poets were overshadowing each other rather than allowing their styles/techniques to compliment each other.
The ending, however, really is sad and 'tragic' (as needed for the prompt). (22/25)

- I love your work, you two really fit with each other. I am in love with your blend. The poem impressed me by its content and meaning.

Strong structure and really enjoyable;
your 3rd stanza is remarkable, it actually inspired me and provoked many thoughts inside my head, especially the canary part. Very smart.

I love your closing stanza as well, the only issue I had was that I wanted to read more of this.
Well done! (20/25)

#3 (Seeking Shelter)

- Marvelous story with a truly tragic ending. I love the way the poem unfolds, simply and dynamically. The imagery is inviting at times ("sitting ... the same place we always sit where we eat, talk, sleep, and live, ... we call it home, yet, it isn't even a home" and other times graphically gritty ("laying there freezing, shivering, counting the number of brittle days that I pray for sleep to gently extract me and take me away.")
The plot is simple, but action abounds in a straightforward manner as the night progresses: exposure to the elements, a storm, despair, weakening of the mom, her succumbing, passing a blessing of sorts to the daughter (hope) and the firm determination of the child even in the face of tragedy. It doesn't strain credulity and pulls the reader along in every verse. The prompts are challenging and yet seamlessly incorporated as though they were part of the original thought process. The only reason I deducted points is that the theme marginally relates to the object. Although jewelry is mentioned once, and the general feel of survival is present, I would have wanted something more direct. (23/25)

- 1/1 not exceeding 40 lines
2/2 titles used from weekly contest winners
1/1 utilities both abstractness & materialism to a great extent
1/1 ends tragically
3.5/5 sense of 'unity'
1/3 Revolves around mockingjay symbol
2/2 Creativity
6/10 technical aspects

This poem was one of the more intriguing ones; I loved the content. However, I have a hard time connecting the content to the image of the mocking-jay; the authors could have put in an author's note to help me understand as it seems rather abstract. The authors could have connected the death of the 'mother' to the symbol of the mockingjay which could have easily scored the authors 2/3 or even 3/3 depending on the extent. I didn't have much difficulty differentiating between who wrote what stanzas; there's subtle differences in the authors diction as well as length of the verses and punctuation that indicated to me who wrote what stanza. The poem could benefit from more punctuation such as the use of periods and semi-colons, as well as differing the length of the verses as some of the verses are run-on sentences. (17.5 / 25)

- I wished the title to be a bit stronger to hold up to this one of a kind piece. I still can't believe that this poem was actually written by two people. it is flawless, and it flows just like magic. I have to say that the story telling of this piece is spot on, I like how the events were escalating. Its like watching that ending scene of a tragic movie. I swear I had goose bumps when I read this piece, and I my eyes were filled with tears, it really broke my heart with this huge amount of sadness in it. And those opening where the writers mention their Mother just gave me a picture of a little kid hiding behind his mothers dress, feeling all scared and hungry. The use of the titles in this collaboration was fantastic, especially in the last verse. It just added so much to the end, and wrapped up the whole piece in a perfect way. (24/25)

- I wasn't sure at first read how this tied in to the theme of the contest. It's interesting, however. My initial thought was that the "Momma" became/symbolised/transformed into the bird; the mockingjay?

Unfortunately, this piece was just littered with trite images, and it's a little too wordy.
EG.
Thunder roars as the heavens open and rain
washes away the crimes of
dirty streets, tapping relentlessly on
windows,
^
Thunder roars is a very common image and personification; no originality there. How many times has rain been used as something that 'washes away' something? It is an overused image and it takes away so much in this beautiful piece. The wording wasn't creative either.

Some grammatical errors,
EG.
Tonight, I will sleep outside, to the closest
thing I'd call home
laying there freezing, shivering, counting the
number of brittle days
^
Laying should be lying.
'Laying' must have an object; a direct object, which would be laid down by a subject. It does get mixed up since lay is the pasttense of lie..

Then finally, there were problems with punctuation and I wasn't too keen on some word choice (EG. "while my broken body cries for shelter and" -- broken body didn't seem to have had much thought into it.)

The innocent tone worked rather well all throughout the piece, though. Great job. (18/25)

- This one sounded as if it's a one-one stanza, as if each person wrote a stanza, or that you guys were successful enough to shift the tone in the even and odd parts of the poem. Because in Stanza # 1 and 3 and 5...etc the tone changed.

Not a bad point, just something I realized and perhaps I am totally wrong.
I did not think this was the best piece, although you have worked on this but I was not in favor of it, the structure somehow was not as strong, moreover it did not succeed to keep me interested.

But there is new ideas, and originality. (15/25)

#4 (Savanna)

- This poem is terrific. I like how the prompts were wrapped into the poem, even though they were unusual. The concept images are fantastic ("the stars never twinkle a dream.") There seems to be a bit of confusion; I get the impression there are two centers of action, one with the trapped bird-girl which the story centers upon, the other happening elsewhere off stage ("in the distance life slips away from her grasp, for rebels had stripped her of freedom.") It may be merely my misinterpretation, but still, clarity could be better. I was slightly distracted a few times by syntax problems ("I supervise her every absorption as she soaks in redemption." "I shan't peak my victory" "the sprightliness to kill").
The story line is laid out in abstract yet understandable terms, as the victim is mocked for her innocence and her popularity. Much of the references seem to require knowledge of the Hunger Games, and probably is lost on those who have never seen the movie. The poem has a few typos (immobilisation, reaking, savoury, although the latter may have been deliberate.) (18/25)

- 1/1 not exceeding 40 lines
2/2 titles used from weekly contest winners
1/1 utilities both abstractness & materialism to a great extent
1/1 ends tragically
5/5 sense of 'unity'
3/3 Revolves around mockingjay symbol
2/2 Creativity
9.5/10 technical aspects

The authors did an amazing job writing this poem; they were close to perfection however one little mistake (they forgot to add a period in the last verse of the third stanza). The authors took a different route from the others and it benefited them, I absolutely love the concept the authors decided to pen. (24.5/25)

- OMG!!!! Savanna is my new favorite piece of poetry!!!!! I cannot believe this one. Its so tense, I feel an enormous amount of rage and anger. And its dark and somehow twisted. Its evil and venomous, but god knows I LOOOOOVE IT!! Its rarely that a piece of poetry gets me so excited like that, but those detailed images provided by these amazing two writers are just spot on. All the emotions were directed to this one thing, its so strong to stand in the presence of these feelings because you just get so overwhelmed with the whole thing. Perfect wording, perfect flow, perfect images, and one hell of a piece. Epically penned! (24/25)

- It was hard to choose, but I think this is my favorite piece submitted. It was unexpected - 'murdering' the mockingjay, it was vivid yet abstract in certain levels. Perhaps these two contestants haven't gotten over the previous round? ha ha.
I think you both chose the two titles really well - not too complicated, at the same time, not too simple nor plain.
The diction was formal and consistent, as though this was written by only one talented poet.
What I wasn't too keen on was the exclamation point in the last stanza. It just seemed too awkward and shifts the tone clumsily. (24/25)

- You both have many ideas, and a very good imagination. However I am not sure how fond I am of they way you went with the theme. You really do have some strong strong lines, but sometimes it was somehow odd and I hardly kept reading. As if your thoughts are everywhere, not really organized to build a single idea/theme inside the head of the reader. But as I said your skills are undeniable, but perhaps you needed to be more organized and less wordy ?
Good luck. (15/25)

--------------------------------------------------------

I know you are all waiting for this.... So there you go.... This round I had '5' judges, having 25 points to score each poem with. So the JUDGES SCORE is out of 125... Then this would be divided by 1.25 to make the JUDGES SCORE out of 100........ and the Total Score = (Judges Score * 0.7) + (Votes * 0.3)

------------ ROUND #3 SCORES-----------------------

#1:: Judges Score: (21 + 10 + 20.5 + 19 + 25) = 95.5 / 1.25 = 76.4

`Total Score: 53.48

#2: : Judges Score: (22 + 12 + 21 + 23 + 20 ) = 98 / 1.25 = 78.4

`Writer A - Total Score: 54.88
`Writer B - Total Score: 54.88 + (12 * 0.3) = 58.48

#3: : Judges Score: (18 + 23 + 17.5 + 24 + 15) = 97.5 / 1.25 = 78

`Writer C - Total Score: 54.6
`Writer D - Total Score: 54.6

#4: : Judges Score: (24 + 18 + 24.5 + 24 + 15) = 105.5 / 1.25 = 84.4

`Writer E - Total Score: 59.08
`Writer F - Total Score: 59.08

-------- CUMULATIVE SCORES (1st + 2nd + 3rd Rounds) --------

#1: 102.9 + 53.48 = 156.38 <<<<< Eliminated (TOP 7)

#2 - A: 128.1 + 54.88 = 182.98 (FINALIST)

#2 - B: 108.5 + 58.48 = 166.98 <<<<< Eliminated (TOP 5)

#3 - C: 133 + 54.6 = 187.6 (FINALIST)

#3 - D: 108.5 + 54.6 = 163.1 <<<<<< Eliminated (TOP 6)

#4 - E: 112.35 + 59.08 = 171.43 <<<<<< Eliminated (TOP 4)

#4 - F : 120.1 + 59.08 = 179.18 <<<<<<< Eliminated (TOP 3)

---------------- Stay tuned for the FINAL ROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then this would be divided by 1.25 to make the JUDGES SCORE out of 100........ and the Total Score = (Judges Score * 0.7) + (Votes * 0.3)

^^

Aboudi, you know there are some people who really hate maths ya, and who would hate this part of your post, well Britt would no bet object lool

hhmm anyway CONGRATS for the 2 champions who were left, cannot wait to see the final round!

Congrats to the finalists!!!! Awesome work Abed and judges :)
Lol Nana I know! The whole cumulative thing took some time for me to read over...and it's hard with the anonymity too!

Where are the judges' comments?

OMG... I swear I was saying something is MISSING... but now I noticed... I forgot to add the Judges Comments!!! :$ :$ Sorry....

They are added ABOVEEEEEEEEEEEE

CHECK THEM ABOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Haha you are so high.

Lmao Abed!!! At first I thought whaaaat? Am I blind? lol

Haha, a little bit high :P

Thank you my judges, you are awesome!