Online support groups/blogging

Hey guys....I have a question for you....

Does anyone know of any online support groups or blogging sites perhaps, that are somewhat of an atmosphere like we are? Where you can meet new people, express feelings. I don't mean a poetry site...

Why I'm asking is because lately, my dad whose an alcoholic, a gambler, stubborn man, has come to the conclusion that he needs to get his life together. Which makes me ecstatic. I've never heard my dad talk the way he has with me lately about going to church and relying on God (which I know isn't all of your beliefs, but respect our spirituality please) .. and that's a great start for him because he's always believe but shied away from the church when my parents divorced and my grandma died 3.5 yrs ago....he also is seeing a therapist once a month..so this progress is so incredibly huge.

However, he was an only child. He has no aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. All he has are me and my brother (who lives states away)..so lately he's been talking about how he comes home and realizes how alone he is, how empty the house is, how he has no one to talk to.....

Poetry and PnQ has helped me so so so much over the years. This is my home away from home and I have bonded in many ways with a lot of people. I have ALWAYS had someone to talk to here....poetry isn't for him obviously. So I was thinking is there anything he can join online? Besides an alcoholics anonymous group.

I really have no idea but I thought it might help to find him something like I have here. A home away from home... I've never been into "blogging" or ever heard of a support group....so I just thought I'd ask all you wonderful people..

My dads quote on quote from last night was "I Just need all the help I can get" .....he says seeing a therapist once a month isn't enough. I think he's craving company or just someone he can vent to.

Suggestions anyone??

AA face-to-face meetings.

There is absolutely no substitute.
They meet in literally every community in the US & places world wide.

Though online support groups may be equally helpful to some who don't want to get out of the house and be identified.

Dr. Google can bring 2 dozen or more, with search titled "Online support group for alcoholics/alcoholism."

I'm too nervous to get him in an actual alcoholic program. He went years ago and felt that "it was for people who drink hard liquor, I only drink beer"..

so as of right now, I was hoping for something more for people with depression. He recognizes he's depressed, I'm too nervous to tell him he needs to attend AA again. Although he noticed his friend was drunk the other day and asked me if that's what he looks like when he's drinking...

He's just so vulnerable right now I'd hate for him to feel attacked or like an even worse human being if send him there..but its definitely something that he needs to consider while in the process of fixing himself.

I appreciate those suggestions guys :)

Alcohol is alcohol, and maybe he's ready for AA. That's something that helped my Dad.. and he can try different AA groups and get a sponsor. I really feel that's an important way to go.

I also think you should try alanon classes. They're for people who have loved ones with alcoholic issues. It really helped me, and it helped me help Dad, too.

Go about it in an I feel rather you need approach. Instead of you need AA, try "I've heard AA really is a good place, I feel you should give it a shot".

Eliminating 'you need' eliminates attack.

Chelsea
The time your Dad doesn't want to go to AA is exactly the time he needs to go :) If that makes sense.

My little kids lost their father at age 49 to alcoholism, he died on Halloween 2008

At least he will be around others who really understand and can relate to him and will embrace him..encourage him to go I wish you both luck.

Hey hun,

I am sorry to hear about your father and what he is going through.

I don't know if it will help but there is a chat room that is for depressed people (I am not saying that your father is depressed) but there are people that were on there that have substance addiction so maybe he can connect with someone there.

http://www.depression-chat-rooms.org/depression-chat.htm

I have used it and you don't need to create an account, you can just log in as a guest. Pretty easy.

Good luck babe

x

Un-needed advice removed.

Hey guys. Sorry I was in school tonight. Just wanted to thank u all for your feedback and your thoughts...I knew the majority of you would suggest AA...its just difficult for me to approach right now.. since he's attempted before and failed. But maybe you guys are right, perhaps now is the time and now he's ready! I need to be positive and pray for my timidness really because I'm all he has to lean on and suggest things to so I need my voice to be confident and just do it, suggest it...

Liz I appreciate your recommendation as well. I will be sure to look into it!

Healing begins with the Spirit . There is a difference between self medication and controlled medications . I do take antidepressants. I sought help because of meditation which is another kind of medication because our physical being is made up of natural chemicals that have a natural balance . There is no substitute for knowing some lifestyle is a problem and that is the first step

I agree face to face is better .Many groups like http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Out_of_the_Tomb_Rising_From_Addiction are more open to people who admit their faith is weak
Someone who has the gift of humility have a head start on those who tend to be egocentric and IMO spirituality is the best route out . I lost interest in sharing faith when I get no response so I recommend groups that are more filled with traditional faith hope and love for more traditional folk. Allpoetry is not the most traditional social site and perhaps it would not be not good to share that link to someone really on their way

Chelsey, I think you're afraid that suggesting AA to your dad will make him feel like you're betraying him somehow, and he'll start to close himself off, maybe fall back into the same unhealthy routine.
I'm drawing this idea from the fact that he considers beer in a different ballpark than hard alcohol. Alcoholism is alcoholism...

I could be totally wrong.

If that is something you're afraid of though, maybe you should talk to a professional before approaching him with the subject.

Denial makes people very hard to help, and they'll fall back into it if you push them too hard.

EDIT: That was a negative post, sorry. I'd like to add that I'm very happy for you and for your dad. He seems to be heading in the right direction. I wish you guys all the best :)
He's welcome to join PnQ and our forum community. No need to write poetry.

That's awfully sweet of you Jane. He just needs some kind of company that's what I'm leaning toward. Its hard for me being his only family I've been trying to go on a "dad/daughter date night" twice a week with him but I work full time and I'm in school part time ...his girlfriend moved out which is what is tearing him up and making him realize he needs a change. . So he's lost his company that's why i want him involved in something...

My dad has said he does like face to face talks better, and eventually i will suggest AA but its just hard for me to suggest it because he already feels like he's unlovable, that he's got all these problems and its hard for me to say try AA it'd be very helpful and supportive, because he's not stupid. He knows AA stands for alcoholics anonymous and I don't want it come across offensively or make him feel worse....he's at a low point so I'm trying to tread carefully because he's also on this pill called Chantix to quit smoking and that could turn him depressed/suicidal people have said...which my dad has said he would never get that bad but its scary knowing that.

I think I will sort of wait this out...let him adjust to his no smoking pills, let him adjust to going back to church, try to be around for his company more, and then try and squeeze in the idea of AA...I'm a very ballsy person and have no problem speaking my mind or giving advice but there is just something about my dad that makes it hard to suggest things. Very frustrating...

You guys are awesome thank you so much for the feedback

You may have the solution in hand if he's going back to church. Most churches have some sort of ministry or support group for people in all sorts of life situations. Surely they have a depression group or something for him.

That's exactly what we are going to look into actually larry. He doesn't want to attend the church we went to because he's reminded of my grandma and where she use to sit and he can't focus in it (excuses) so we checked out a new one and need to learn more. I'm sure hoping they have something . That way he can meet hew people too. That's his biggest issue, he just wants company. Someone to love on him

I'm sending positive thoughts your way, Chels. What a hard thing to go through.

Fortunately, I've never had to try and help someone through an addiction like that. However, I do have (at least) one close friend who has been dealing with depression for years and years. From what I understand, the relationships involved with both are somewhat similar. Depressed people are caught in spirals. They feel bad about their life so they feel depressed so they can't fix their life so they get more depressed, and they are hateful toward themselves and feel angry and ashamed for being so "needy." (And that's just the non-chemical side of things...) It's just not something you can physically or mentally "snap out of."

I think, from the outsiders perspective, a healthy thing to remember is that the change has to be lead by him. You can totally facilitate and help him stick to his actions. He can be held accountable simply by having conversations with you, like "what do you think the problems are?" and "what do you think can help you change?" It seems so tricky to balance, because any misstep could potentially push you back to square one. But, importantly, he knows he has people to help him, and hopefully you know that you have people to help YOU, too.

Anyway, that was a long paragraph and I'm not a professional. Talk to one of those, if you can find one. : ) Good luck, and thanks (on behalf of humanity?) for being such a thoughtful daughter.

Awww sibs that was a very sweet post!!!

You are definitely right..I think you all are right honestly....He is saying things now like I need all the help I can get, I have to do this for me, I want to know why I keep pushing people out of my life...I've never heard him talk this way...so I think hes finally serious..

I think its up to me to grow the balls now and recommend AA..

Its tough to see a parent go through this..I hate him being here by himself and as much as it kills me, it makes me want to smack him and say YOU DID THIS..my mom always told him he'd end up alone if he doesn't knock his crap off and look where he is..its totally his fault and I shouldnt feel bad but naturally I do..painful to watch, but again Im so thankful the blinders were removed from his eyes and he is now willing to make the change where as before, he didnt think he "had a problem"...now he knows, he has more than 1 problem and that HE is the problem..

I love all of you guys so much for giving ME advice not even him...Its hard to have 2 hour talks with him then come home and try to sleep when it weighs on my mind so it really helps talking to everyone about it.

You are a tough cookie! Just make sure you have your own support structure in place. Being someone's only person can be tough.

As far as his reluctance to do AA, since it's for "serious drinkers," you could almost use that as a strength. "If it can help even -those- people, just imagine what it could do for you!" It's better to go a little overboard than to come up short, and it sure wouldn't hurt him any.

I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if AA had tips on their website for broaching the subject.