Mental Health

“be the change you want to see in the world”

And I want to see a world of compassion and empathy, a world where mentally ill people are taken care of, loved, appreciated, understood. I have read many studies where creativity is thought to be connected with major mental disorders including bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, OCD, ADHD and many others. I believe we are all creative in one or another. We are all worthy of love.

I’m posting this to say that I am here to listen. I’m no psychiatrist, but sometimes we only need a friend, not medicine. We need someone to reassure us that it sucks now, but it will be alright again soon, and I want to be that person.

Personally, I have been diagnosed with manic depression (bipolar disorder). I fought a long war against PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I’m on my way to get my PhD, and I’m going on with my life. I suffered from mild anorexia two years ago, and defeated that. I still struggle sometimes, and I probably will keep struggling for years, but I am not giving up. When I’m having a bad day (or week or month), I learned to be my own friend, to love my brain and remind myself that it’s unique and different.

PnQ has been the safest place for me. Writing made it all a little bit easier. I’ve known some people here for eleven years and we became pretty close and they had such a strong positive impression on my personality. I’m sure everything would’ve been so much harder if it hadn’t been for them. So I owe it to you. I’m here for each and every one of you.

Noura, your post is not only beautiful, but it resonates with me.
Although PnQ has seen it's days of conflict and flame wars, I agree that it is basically a safe place. I hope it can be felt that way for everyone.

"I believe we are all creative in one or another. We are all worthy of love."

^ YES! Thank you for this post, truly. And for speaking about mental health in previous threads and in your poetry. You inspire me to not give up as well. I think the part about learning to love yourself and be your own friend is absolutely crucial, though it can be a long process, it's one that will only help us.

Words can't possibly express how tremendously thankful I am for this site and all of you. PnQ is such a part of my life, especially in the more recent years where I don't feel I can share anywhere else and be as understood as I am here. Reading parts of people's lives and what they struggle with is immensely humbling, and also lets us know we are all going through something, but at least we can express it here.

<3

Noura...when were you first diagnosed? I mean, what age were you and did you wait years (feeling there was something wrong) before being diagnosed?

Have you, or anyone else here, heard /experienced stomach migraines?

You never cease to educate me, Hellon. I had to Google stomach migraines.

Hey, Hellon. I was diagnosed with PTSD two and a half years ago, I was 23. Got diagnosed with Bipolar II shortly after. The anorexia was pretty mild and not life-threatening, and was noticed early, but it totally affected me academically (the fainting, nausea, loss of concentration... etc). I definitely knew something was wrong, but I thought this was just me. Moody, depressed, but also energetic and insomniac. So I ignored it all and left myself unchecked. Until my husband (then boyfriend) took an appointment for me, and begged me to see a specialist, when I had like only 4 hours of sleep in 3 days, and was so easily irritated it freaked out everyone around me. I didn’t listen to him at first, but then my body collapsed, and I was taken to the hospital. Had severely low blood pressure, slow pulse, loss of consciousness. It was due to the lack of sleep and simultaneously working 40+ hours a week as a teacher, standing up all day around chemicals. Listened to the opinions of many psychiatrists until I found a doctor I really felt comfortable with. I took medications I wasn’t convinced with (based on my knowledge of them), but I took them anyway, and therapists kept experimenting until the right dosage and mix were found. So I advise people to trust their psychiatrists, even if they don’t feel good about certain meds.

Yes, I used to get stomach migraines, especially when stressed and anxious. But since the PTSD has been under control, I have them way less often.

This is a great post Noura, I'm glad you are in a good place at the moment.

I found my creativity increases the more manic I feel, some of my best stuff has come from me starting the day disappointed that I survived the night.

If I'm quiet I'm fine.

PnQ is generally a safe place, especially in comparison to twitter...

I sincerely admire how you share your experience in your writing and here the main forums Noura, I agree you really do inspire us. Also this may sound weird, but so many times I end up reflecting on myself and how I treat other people. Thank you for sharing ^_^

I've been here a little over ten years too, I've met so many people and in so many ways I too have grown because of them and of course this place. I've learned how important mental health is truly.
I love being creative (this sounds weird lol), but I'm the opposite of you Darren, only after I process my emotions I can write!!!

Larry...believe me I hadn't heard of stomach migraines either until very recently. My grand-daughter has just been diagnosed so I'm trying to find out as much as possible as she's just turned 9 which seems very young to me.

Noura...thanks for your response. As you were much older than my grand-daughter when first diagnosed I think it would have been much easier for a specialist to reach a more accurate conclusion because you would have been able to communicate easier than a child could when asked about symptoms etc. I'm worried that her present issues could lead to something more serious as she gets older, I'm also very concerned that her mother was asked if she had shown any signs of self harm or had spoken of suicide, I mean she's NINE years old! I'm also aware that it is possible and can't be ignored. I'm just very worried in general and would appreciate any help/advice members can give me.

Sorry, I don't been to make this thread all about me just a worried gran right now.

“I found my creativity increases the more manic I feel, some of my best stuff has come from me starting the day disappointed that I survived the night.”

Me too, Darren. Me too. When I’m manic, I am incredibly productive, energetic, revved-up, restless, and thinking so clearly that I can overcome any scientific obstacle. It’s the depressive episode that makes me fall behind. I barely have the (both mental and physical) energy to get out of bed.
In my case, it wasn’t mania, it was hypomania, which is a milder condition of mania, but still abnormal.

Hellon, to be honest, I wasn’t a healthy teenager. I don’t know if it’s because it’s such a delicate age, or I actually showed early signs, but I was very moody and irritated and pessimistic, and just angry. When I turned 15, I started having what seemed like a substance abuse problem. I was drinking almost daily. This wasn’t ignored by my father though, and he helped me quit alcohol in a matter of months.

What I vaguely remember: When I was 14, I tried to starve myself. This was noticed as well, and my father forced me to eat by threatening he’d have the doctor give me sedatives and feed me when I’m asleep.
When I was a kid (maybe 6 or 7?), I had a group of friends whom I suddenly stopped playing with, because I “just wanna be alone”. I always felt lonely, even when I didn’t socially isolate myself.

In high school, I had random and abnormal relationships. Which is also a sign of manic depression. I would go out with boys I shouldn’t go out with. Older boys. In some cases, they were 10+ years older than me, but I didn’t mind, I liked the “thrill”. I made mistakes by throwing myself in dangerous situations. Crossing the streets inattentively, going with complete strangers to suspicious places, starting fights. I’m pretty surprised I didn’t get myself kidnapped or killed in an accident.

But I didn’t get diagnosed until I turned 23. I wish my father took me to a psychiatrist way earlier, but when my aunt once mentioned it, he just snapped “my daughter is fine! She’s not crazy!”. I know it’s because it was too much on him to admit I was ill, but it cost me years of mental pain.

What symptoms is your granddaughter showing?

Thanks for your reply Noura, it gives my things to look out for in the future.

She's always been a clingy kid...wanting mum all the time, creeping into her parents bed in the middle of the night...that sort of thing. I just put it down to her being the youngest and the only girl. Now little things seem to upset her more than your average child, for example on Sunday her brother was vomiting and she really freaked out about it (she never actually seen him or heard the noise just heard her mum saying the brother had vomited all over the floor) and she started shaking and asking me to take her for a drive, ended up vomiting herself and this lasted for three days...not eating just vomiting. I thought at first she was seeking attention but after three days I'm doubtful. Last time it happened it was her school assembly and her class was performing she got so worked up about that she ended up in hospital for 3 days.

She scratches her skin a lot when nervous but she has eczema so I'm not sure if the stress brings on the rash or the scratching.

I'm at my wits end right now to be honest...she's very thin and underweight for her age, the doctor has also mentioned anorexia but, like I said, she's only nine.

If she was my kid, I’d let her undergo a full psychiatric evaluation, just to be sure. Children are sometimes clingy, because that’s how they communicate their emotion. Sounds to me like some kind of anxiety disorders, if anything, but I’m no specialist, I just read a lot about mental health issues. Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or Separation Anxiety Disorder. Did her parents get a divorce? Did she lose someone close? Does she change residence/schools a lot? That could be a trigger. Especially that she has eating problems and stomachaches.

Even if she’s shy or doesn’t openly talk about how she feels, a good pediatric psychiatrist can tell for sure if it’s something serious.

I'm learning a lot from everyone sharing here. Noura, what struck me about you saying you were diagnosed later and wished to have gotten help sooner is that I kind of went through a similar situation. I wasn't diagnosed til I was almost 20, and didn't even know about depression and anxiety until it affected school, work and home life. My mom still feels bad because she didn't see earlier signs, and I've had to tell her, I didn't even know what I was going through, so how could she? It was scary, and I didn't expect my mom to know what to immediately do either. She now works in the mental health field, so together, we've taught each other more about mental health. I still think there's that stigma that someone has to struggle "enough", whether we are denial we need help or others are, or that there has to be physical symtoms that have to reach a severe enough point to be taken seriously.

Hellon, I'm so sorry to hear your granddaughter is going through that. I can only add that if there is someone professional she can see, who maybe specifically specializes in child anxiety or mental health related concerns, perhaps that would help. Or even resources to help her be able to articulate her emotions and better know how to handle them, what they mean, etc. I think it's an important for a kid to feel they can open up and express themselves, yet at the same time not feel pressured or forced to if they're not ready. I also think childhood can be crucial in how we grow up, and that anxiety or anxious behaviors can start super early... no matter if they're gone through something traumatic or troubling. Anxiety can manifest in many different ways, and I wish people took it seriously that there's not one specific cause. Before my mom understood more about mental health, I remember the first thing she said after my being in a hospital was "but how could you be depressed? You have our support, a roof over your head" etc. She didn't mean it to sound invalidating, she just really didn't understand since for the most part, I seemed to be well-adjusted, but I was isolating and hiding a lot of complex emotions I didn't know how to process. Similarly, a nurse at the hospital tried to pinpoint if the reason I was not in a good place mentally was due to a breakup or divorce or move. She seemed flabbergasted that there wasn't one thing she could write down as a cause.

Also, not insinuating anything since I'm not a professional obviously, but your granddaughter is not alone in the skin scratching. I don't have eczema, but I have picked my skin at certain spots for probably over a decade now. It's not too noticeable due to where it's at, but embarrassing still. I do it when anxious or bored or have intrusive thoughts. I know I should probably see if it's dermatillomania, a diagnosis that has ties to anxiety disorder or compulsive/obsessive thoughts and OCD itself too. There is support for that though, and I feel more people are raising awareness about perhaps the more hard-to-talk-about anxious behaviors. Sending support to you and her.

Thank you both for your responses, I've found a lot of what you both said very helpful in understanding more about what could be going on with her emotions and being unable to communicate them properly. Her home life is normal...no divorce, school changing or loss of a loved one. They are just your regular family which makes it harder for me to understand but, thank you both for shedding some light on things, I appreciate it no end.

My daughter has been phoning around psychiatrists trying to get an appointment but, unfortunately, due to the increase in patients because of covid there is a long waiting list.

I don't want to hog anymore of this thread but I will keep you posted. Once again, thank you both for your advice.

Ah, maybe I articulated my post poorly, but I didn’t mean to imply that there *must* be a reason why someone suffers from a mental issue. A person could lead such a successful and normal life when mental illness shows up.
I hope your granddaughter is just going through a phase where she’s learning how to process her emotions and worries. Either way, I’m certain she’ll be just fine, considering she has a supportive and caring family. Please keep me updated. Sending much love to the both of you.

Thanks for sharing Noura and for opening up the discussion. It is great to see young people such as yourself being having such as positive influence and being able to share your experiences. In almost all cases, talking openly helps and just being there to listen can be a powerful action in itself. To see you come though the difficulties you have faced is pretty inspirational.

I agree that everybody is creative in some form or other. I do think there is some truth in the old idea (outdated language aside!) that there is a fine line between genius and madness. PnQ and poetry in general has been a great source of safety, expression and companionship for many people from all walks of life. In many ways, writing is a way of talking and can be theraputic and comforting.

I think there has been an increased awareness of mental health in recent years, which is a good thing. Unfortunately though I think there are so many challenges in today's world. One thing I realise as I get older is that everybody has their own trials and tribulations and that it is important to be kind as you don't know what people may be going though.

Hellon, I can see how that would be worrying as a grandparent. I think that a child psychologist certainly isn't going to be a bad idea. I see children often benefit from getting some help from psychologists and see others who need the help but don't ever get it for whatever reason.

Thank you to everyone here for speaking about mental health. When I posted my taking a break post it is for my mental health struggles. I'm32 and I've been suffering from depression for over twenty years. I didn't really get help/diagnosed until I was 24 or 25 even though I was well aware of my depression at sixteen. I am officially diagnosed with PTSD as well and the only reason I actually am is because I tried many different antidepressants and in the beginning none of them worked for me. Then my partner and doctor at the time realized it was something deeper than that. So they realized it was PTSD.

If you know me or followed my poems closely it makes sense. I don't want to trigger anyone so I will just say that I lost my mid-childhood and teenage years because of a ton of stuff.

I have been candidly open and honest about my past and struggles with addiction, but I realized something just this morning, and this is me speaking from a personal experience. Every time I have talked about my mental health or was honest or posted facts in general people would leave my life. So to anyone in general that says mental health is getting better, I don't think it is, and in fact I think it's quite taboo especially in the USA. Normally I wouldn't promote my poetry here but I just wrote a poem about mental health. I'm not asking anyone to read it I'm just posting here because it's relevant to the conversation.

Thank you for speaking up and out about mental health, we need more people that are completely honest in this world <3

https://www.poems-and-quotes.com/poems/1282353

Thanks, Colm. I think your poetry always inspired me. You make one great writer and friend.

Rayven, your response made me think about the hardships mentally ill people face in their everyday life. Apart from mental illness being an uncomfortable subject to talk about in general, what do you think are the things that most affect the mentally ill?

I know for sure, that it is such a burden being a depressed PhD student. I mean, there are days I can’t even leave the bed. How will I work that hard? How will I keep going? If it hadn’t been for the support of a coupla people in my life, 100% I wouldn’t be able to do that.
But what about those of us who don’t have that kinda support?

Mentally ill people are much more prone to homelessness, losing their jobs, dropping outta school, doing drugs than the average healthy person. It’s sad, and governments/communities/individuals should do all they can to help. As an individual, I can help by filling prescriptions for those who can’t afford it (I work in a pharmaceutical lab). Medication is way too expensive here to be affordable by everyone who needs it. But other than that, I’m helpless.
I’d say more shelters should be built. More free mental institutions. More supporting and empowering the mentally ill elderlies.

For me, I don’t care if some of my friends don’t “like” that I have mental issues. They can leave. But it hurts the most when I’m trying to keep up with the work assigned to me and a depressive episodes starts, and nobody understands (even my husband and sister then start to help by “encouraging” me and “motivating” me to stop being depressed, and it’s pointless).