the cuts inside are deeper then my flesh wounds...i need some ad

oh my gosh i feel so lifeless right now...everything is eating away at me. i wish i had a button to turn off all my emotions and let me breathe an ounce of real bliss.

i feel so trapped....i am a hamster in a cage..getting fed and sheltered but never escaping into the world and exploring it on its own. my parents do not trust me as i have broken a couple rules in the past. but the incidents that happened were not that bad... i know they love me but i need my freedom. they are making me feel fenced in with 10 feet high barbed wire all around. this summer i have only seen 1 of my friends because i have been away to this lake since i got off of school. i loathe being isolated.

i cutt a half an hour ago after a while of not cutting. it felt so thrilling to see the blood run down my razor blade. i cannot believe i had given it up. tonight i feel beat down, terrible, ugly, depressed.....many things I guess..too many to list and to describe into words. it all of a sudden hit me..wham full fledged emotions into my mind.

i need help but i do not know where to turn...

hoLLy

tried it already.....it put me in further depression..please do not bash this addiction of mine

Will the cuting threads ever end?

M-

Not a chance in hell.

Peaces. //Ari\\

Nice reference by the way, Taylor...

Peaces. //Ari\\

i have tried to seek help...i was in a phych ward in the hospital for a bit and then had about 3 councellors.....that is really really great that it helped that girl, truely i am happy for her...i only wish it had worked for me..

hoLLy

Yep. Tis always possible.

Peaces. //Ari\\

It can work for you. You haven't seen life yet. The years you have had aren't your entire life.

"Better days are waiting..."

^I have that scratched into my poem book...

Peaces. //Ari\\

how did getting professional help put u further in depression????????

ARI: thank you..."Better days are waiting..." is a good saying.......i will try and think of that the next time i have emotions that are sky high.

TAY: you should learn to comfort people instead of bashing there problems...who knows you may be adding to their despression by making them feel worthless...

CLICKITY: the therapy was not working because i do not know it just was not..i mean i wanted it to and i tried but i did not.....so i thought and think that i was crazy and nothing could ever help me

hoLLy

Hmm...about professional help...

Stick with it. The path to healing isn't going to be as smooth as you would like it to be.

Peaces. //Ari\\

Oh...and you're welcome. ;)

But don't try to think of it...just...think of it. Lol. :P

Peaces. //Ari\\

yeah thanks again..

hoLLy

Anytime... :)

Peaces. //Ari\\

Stop commenting. Its pointless. She can only stop if she really wants to. Random people on the internet arent gunna change her veiw. So what if she cuts? I mean, if thats what she wants to do, theres no stopping her. And therapy only works if you want it to.

holly i know how you feel but try to get through one day at a time, i haven't cut in 4 weeks and 4 days try to look at it like that, and make targets like mine at the moment is not to do it for the whole of the summer holidays, then my target is gonna be not to do it before my birthday, then christmas and so on!!! it works for me, and your right professional help does make you worse, it made me worse aswell!!!
luv RaNdOmGaL xxx

Thrilling? You're messed up. Go and see a specialist. Maybe they can talk to you about buying a bigger hamster cage...

LOL rachel!

Holly - It concerns me to think that you may have planned out this whole post before you wrote it, I mean all the metaphores and similies - Nobody thinks up things like that!
And yes finding it "Thrilling" is a little weird!

ok some of you guys were big jerks!!!!!!!! i mean omg your not believe her??? shes depressed....ur not helping her ur jsut making it worse jesus christ for all u no she could b thinking baout killing herself would u b happy if ur comment put a girl over the edge u asses..... u dont have to b so crude.....

anway i do agree with the perfessional help thing tho they sed it in a real mean way i mean with certain people it can seem like its getting worse but wen u find hte right person to talk to its ok maybe try going to group therapy that way u can talk with people with similar problems to and kinda make frendsi no that sounds corny but thats what i did and it wasnt that bad bc i didnt really realize i was getting therapy so much bc half the time we just hung out and talked as frends and we all really became close..... and if anyone makes fun of this cuz i no that someone will id really truelly think b4 u comment.....

anyway i wish u luk i understand wut ur going through and im not like most of the other people i dont think ur weird for thinking its thrilling bc i once thought that too if i think about this any longer about blood and how thrilling it is im gonna wanna cut so i think ill go bye

*offers cookie* Cookie good, yes? Cookie help?

*looks around while holding baseball bat*
I hope that nut nurse from the asylum doesn't find me here...

♥Niki

hey thanks guys...well some of you for the helping hand....i guess i when i feel ready to face my problem i will.....group therapy would actually be a good idea..

hoLLy

"Shattered, stop. It isnt funny, you want attention, stop"

SHE wants attention .. right.

I agree with most of you on the thread. You need to seek help. And not just one visit - keep seeing this therapist. He or she can really help you - more than I or anyone else on PAQ can. Good luck [and don't listen to Brandon - he's an immature 15 year old boy]

XxX))Eclipse((XxX

need some "ad" eh? ;) !!!!!!!!!

Seek help? Yes....right. You need an exorcist.

Brandon, if I were you, I wouldn't talk that way about me OR Darien, you pthetic excuse for a human! You are an immature little boy who has nothing to do with his lowly existance but to be an annoyance to other people. I suggest you stop before this gets out of hand and someone [you] gets their account suspended for good.

XxX))Eclipse((XxX

Hey hoLLy

Im looking at ur.. um.. post... lol
and nvm lol i nvm bye sorry
email me
emmzy2004@hotmail.com

OK.. I am gonna actualyy talk. You do need to get help.. I would yea... get profeshional help. i agree with other ppl

Hey holly.. I think in order for it to help you.. You need to want it to help. You need to get profeshional help, and try.
good luck!
xoxo
emmy

in my eyes getting "pro" help doesnt make any difference you have to want to quit I havent cut in like 3 weeks and everytime something happens and I feel like thats where I have to cut I go and do somthing random or I'll take a rubber band and flick it on my arm a few times so it stings and then i start thinking "wtf am I doing" and then i just go cry till I feel better, or I go talk to my dog or my horse I went into the hospital too and they just said I wasn't depressed I had just gone through I loss and I didnt know how to deal with it and at that time I didnt want to quit cutting cuz it was my easy way of running away and escaping