Dating Show Interviews.

Hi Ho campers, well wasn't that an adventure!? I know hearts and minds were lost, traded and broken, but in the spirit of capitalist gameshow ethics, we're going to ignore all that real pain and suffering and just barge through some questions.

So, answer away.

1. what were your first impressions of your date?
2, what were your last impressions?
3. what did you most enjoy
4. what did you least enjoy?
5. what would be your advice for your date for their next time?
6. How much do you fancy the host?

Just remember, for the last one that I will be in control of series 2...oh yes their will be another one..so unless you want to end up with a minger...wel you know.

I'll lead by example....

1. what were your first impressions of your date?

Well, I had several girls on one date, I know, it's a hard life. Angelina was a classy chick, probably a little out of my league class wise, but we got on in a basic musician way, and she saved my life at least once, so she can't be that bad eh? I think we could have made lots of babies, with the best hands in the world, but fate said no.

Mo was another kettle of fish. Straight up I think she wanted to kick my ass in a kinky kind of way, though I doubt she would have went all the way with me, she would have I'm sure, beat on me a little, stripped me and then just left me there like a puppy all excited and eager and gone off to beat up someone else, she's that kind of girl. We could have had super hero babies though, of that I'm sure.

2, what were your last impressions?

Their shocked and robbed faces as I rode away on the back of my sub-human bitch Blank Illusion. I will savour their faces for the rest of my life. I am still sending them old pairs of my socks just to mess with them. In truth, I am slightly regretful, I'd have liked to know them better, you know in that old fashioned biblical way.

3. what did you most enjoy

The song in the jazz bar, not least of all because I do the best Christopher Walken impression in Scotland, but also because I got to mess with my alternative dates, Abby, Captain Jane and Sibyllene, who I could have also made very fine babies with,Master genius, Warrior and poet respectively..but that never happened cause they all sucked at letting me seduce them with all the charm of a drunk 14 year old boy.

4. what did you least enjoy?

The complete lack of sex, if you discount the magical, slightly spiritual rejoining of my testicles, which was under water and duress. I mean, what gives, when am I going to get those kinds of odds again?..5 starved girls on a boat, most geared up from alcohol and violence, and not one of them takes me on....dispicable....i want my money back!!

5. what would be your advice for your date for their next time?

Put out or get out. Yeah.

6. How much do you fancy the host?

Heaps, he is all that is man. I mean, he has a rather large forehead, and freakishly long arms, and his eyes are surely the result of some kind of Goldfish devolution crossover...but ah, he's a pretty one, no doubt...a flawed lovely...I'd do him.

If I must. Perhaps I'll add more later. When it's not past 3 am.

1. what were your first impressions of your date?
My date as in the person or the occasion? I'll go with person. Well, I've been acquainted with abs for a while, and had I been paired with any other femme, I may have been slightly disappointed. But giving credit where credit is due, abby is a fine catch for any man or woman, even just as partner in crime. And so she became, though dominating our date entirely. Some traits I knew abby to have were intelligence, quick-wittedness, and modesty.

2, what were your last impressions?
Not modest at all, that one is. Still intelligent and quick-witted, but her confidence blossomed and then exploded into something beyond confidence. Her sarcasm became dryer and more literal throughout the date.

3. what did you most enjoy?
I enjoyed serving a fiery Captain, being taken on an adventure, and learning Pirate lingo. But not in that order. I took pleasure in watching Kevin be repeatedly rejected. Lastly, abby and Kevin's apparent attraction was and is amusing.

4. what did you least enjoy?
Being utterly submissive.

5. what would be your advice for your date for their next time?
Based on how all of the dates turned out, I would suggest that future dates be spent more in dating your actual date and less in dating every single date equally. At least show some favoritism, come on!

6. How much do you fancy the host?
A good amount. There are few things I dislike about him.

1. what were your first impressions of your date?

BI seemed like the perfect gentleman. All was going quite well (although we missed our balloon ride because we were drunk and he forgot to wear his pants).

As for Kevin - his personal hygiene was not one of his strong points if his "rescue rope" was anything to go by... but once there, he proved ... well... quite a catch and overall a lovely, musically talented, entirely whimpish, lovely personality with a fetish for singular boobs.

If you add the two dates together - and took out all the good times - I suppose there would have been one very lovely night out at the beach with a fire, a night time plane ride, finished by sailing off into the sunset - but it wasn't to be. Alas.

2, what were your last impressions?

Those two timing, crossing over, back riding bastards! They tricked me into thinking they were both there to date me, but in the end, they ended up with each other. All was not lost... actually... yes it was. I didn't even get a free dinner out of it!!!

3. what did you most enjoy

The complete lack of sex. :)

4. what did you least enjoy?

Having Abby's one boob hidden under my hat - my hat's shape is just all wrong now.

5. what would be your advice for your date for their next time?

You cant out drink me. Dont even try - if you DO try, you'll end up hooking up with some random guy off P&Q and riding off into the sunset with him... its just sad.

6. How much do you fancy the host?

Well I thought he's been a bit grumpy the last few days but I figure thats because he didn't get any... :)

He's GREAT... and he make lightsabre noises while he pees... hehe

Has he been grumpy? I figured he was only busy.

I even wrote a comment about how he had something die up his ass and that he was in a stiiiinky... but he never replied. Kind of glad he didn't... I didn't want to feel the wrath of a man with a light for a sabre (if you know what I mean)

Hahahahaha, oh...I do. I really do. What? What are we talking about?

Yes, I happen to prefer a penis for a sabre myself, but hey. You can't always get what you want.

But you can try sometime.

You just might find.

Alright, enough destroying Kevin's precious thread.

Are you sure its enough? Ok ok ok...

But tomorrow, Im going to bring in a picture of me using a penis for a sabre and put it up - I'll position a strong torch behind it so it LOOKS like a light sabre too... so artistic am I...

You're disgusting Jane... geez

I know, I know. I'll refrain telepathing (That's not a word) such thoughts in the future.

I can't wait to see this Holy Grail of an avatar. I have a canker-sore on my inside bottom lip. On the immediate right of the center. Ow.

What the bloody hell is a canker sore? (Ok over to other thread now - Kevin will sabre us to death when he sees what we've done...)

BAD JANE - NAUGHTY! :)

It's a sore Jane gets from jumping around on her vast collection of space hoppers [she thinks they are horses...shhhh].

"Oh nice horsey Jane, yes you are big bad girl aren't you?..nice horsey.."

I have been rather sour these last few days haven't I? Mo, I am so pleased you felt comfortable enough with me to just tell me straight, I like that in a friend. Though, you are still a gay for not nailing me when you had the chance.

But... I DID nail you... remember?? Dont tell me you've forgotten already?

I nailed you to that post on The Kraken when you were trying to boss me around?

By the way - whats been up? You have been a bit bitter and twisted lately (more than normal). And of course I would tell it straight... what else am I good for?

No thanks, this date show is not my thing, i saw mallrats so i've seen it all

Mallrats? What has that got to do with the price of eggs?

Long story, but i'm talking about the dating show

Actually, that fist to the face was probably one of my favourite parts of the date too... and Ange you just needed to give me the wink and I would have cleared off - didn't mean to stifle the chemistry!! haha.

1. what were your first impressions of your date?

Well, my first date was Noir. Needless to say, that one didn't happen. Way to go, Kevin!

2, what were your last impressions?

I was left feeling lost, confused, and more likely to utter the phrase "aye, me hearties!"

3. what did you most enjoy

Seeing my name. Yes, I am that vain. But really, I hadn't been a pirate for a good while. It was nice to get back to the sails. Furthermore, it was pretty great watching the delusional pairing of abby and kevin struggle with their twisted attraction.

4. what did you least enjoy?

Being the one stuck with the technology. What the crap? And being cheated on by abby with a bunch of mangy cabin boys. But, alas, I always knew her to be a free spirit.

5. what would be your advice for your date for their next time?

Noir- show up
abby- carry on

6. How much do you fancy the host?

Ah, well. You know. That Celtic Bard Tongue gets me every time. Nobody noticed little Billy immersed in paroxysms of ecstacy over on the port bow....
But come on. Noir?

; )

Wait, wait, wait...you're telling me my Smokey Joe is a space hopper? Man...

Sybelline...seeing your "real" name? Did it pop up in our absurd name calling? Oh, oh. I wonder what it is.

Haha, Kevin, have you seriously been bitter the past several days because the date didn't go as you planned and you missed out on a potential virtual orgy? That's kind of pathetic, ain't it? You should feel honored to have been engulfed in our company, if nothing else.

Yes, Jane. My real name is.....

Silkworm.

No, actually, I just meant my screen name. (Or did I?)

Sure, Wormy, sure you did.

Ha, that would be great if you actually named your child that, though. Silkworm. Hee hee hee heee........ : D Well, I think it would be funny, at least. ~~

Whoa whoa...what happened? Bobby spilled a secret? Uh oh. Sherry, you better spill all, as cover up. Insecurity calls for unwarranted attention.

Do do deee...Or I'm just curious.

1. what were your first impressions of your date?
He wanted to just feel me up

2, what were your last impressions?
My knee in his crutch

3. what did you most enjoy
His inability to function after (2) above

4. what did you least enjoy?
The belief he had that a right to touch me at all

5. what would be your advice for your date for their next time?
Don't hit on a lesbian

6. How much do you fancy the host?
Kev hes a sweety / Angelina I can see his attraction shes got that dominatrix attitude, hes definitely the submissive one on that date

^ Huh? Haha.

Eh Carrotgirl, I don't recall sending you on a date?

And I only submit to a lady once she has bested me in some regard, and that, sadly has only happened once, at scrabble...my superhero weakness.

Who are you eh/

I believe I "bested" you when I floored you me matie...

1. well my first impression was that he was hot and probably full of himself. caring and sweet.

2.that he is very sexual and he hasn't heard the word no too many times. he's cheated before and he can be a real gerk sometimes.

3. when i left cuz he kept staring at me and not saying nothing after i said i wouldn't have sex with him in the back seat of his car. and then he tried commanding me to sit on his lap. yah i don't like guys that think that they can tell me what to do and think i'll do it.

4. when i first got there because of the akward silence.

5. don't be so pushy and just chill out. take things as they come don't try and force something to happen. things will happen when the time is right. and don't tell you girlfriend your gonna cheat on her just cuz she don't want to have sex with you.

6. i would say too much cuz i have a bf but thats okay with the things he has been saying. i sure he has his corcks though like everyone else

Aww, looks like she had a date with Kevin, too.... ; )

Hahaha, this is great. Yes, apparently. Kevin, you really need to stop pushing girls around. Do you need a spanking? (Can't believe I just asked that).

Hmm...maybe quirks?

Ha, very funny Sib, veeerry funny Mr Bond.

As it happens I've dated just about everyone at least once, in the League of Gentlemen sense of course, you know like Captain Lazaru...

"I know your name and you are in my car....YOU ARE MY WIFE NOOOOOOW"....

Watch this show if you haven't. And another thing you harpie conspirators, "No" in a conventional sense means stop, don't like and all that other feminist propaganda....in Scotland however, in old Scots that is, and well in the old Celtic Bard Tongue "No", which is a modern version of the old word "Neuaw" means "If you don't do it I'll kill your dog"..so really, how can I be held accountable for being a little pushy...I'm just looking out for the puppies?

Jane, I doubt you have the strength to spank me properly, unless you used your foot.

I was thinking I'd use a chainsaw. Would that do ya?

Create a new butt cleavage for him Jane!

Too much noise. If you are going to torture me, you'd have to catch me, and like the ginger bread man, that ain't easy.

I'd suggest a tranquilizer dart at distance and then water torture for a few days followed by some pop music.

After that, I'll tell you anything.