Comments : Fractured Twilight Librettos

  • 9 years ago

    by Blissful

    Oh wow I am utterly blown away by this poem. Truly gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes because you expressed the emotions so beatifully. I swear to you this brought chills up and down my spine wanting me to read this again and again. I didn't even mind the length because I was truly captivated by your first line. The way you described the simple phone call blew me away in sheer awe. Your imagery was flawless and the words you used just hit me like 'boom'. This has to be by far the best poem I have read from you and that is saying a lot because I love everything you write. Wow I don't know why this poem got me so emotional but I guess I could relate in a weird way. You described each scene flawlessly and I am just going to stop rambling on.

    Amazing poem you have here and I am going to nominate it for the weekly contest.

    Well done *5/5*

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Wow. This poem was amazing. You expressed every little feeling you had inside you and how these words that he said on the phone made you felt. I really loved this poem, beacause you took the slightest of words and put them into quotes.. then you go on and just say how they make you feel at the moment. Usually poems like these that are little bits of a conversation, are blah and boring. But you took this to a whole new level, you put down on paper what those words made you feel like.. the emotions in this poem are soooo great. They are so clear. This poem is excellent. I loved this a lot. It was so amazing. Great work my dear =) 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by X Harlea X

    Coolness poem.5/5
    **harlea

  • 9 years ago

    by H E Losey

    After the others I have done this one disappoints me. This reads like prose, like pages torn from a novel, well written but without the metre/rhythm of your poetry.

  • 9 years ago

    by Kaila

    Oh my gosh! This is poem is well...wow! This almost sounds like a spoken word type of piece. Like as I was reading it I felt my voice getting more angry and scarred, without even doing it myself. Your words brought inspiration to me. The way you worded this piece was phenomenal
    Favorite line:
    They'll lay these fading limericks at our hearts,
    and our final breaths will drown these flames together.
    **Oh that my friend was pure genius! It spoke in away that everyone understood but interpreted it differently
    This is so going into my favorite poems
    and you are going on my favorites:)
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Levi

    Wow.. so simple.. yet so emotional I don't really get hit by poems often..

    Though this ones simplicity (with very descriptive words) just had me..

    To be simple is often one of the best ways to get your point across..

    I can't really say what would better this piece.

    As I haven't read anything quite like it before..

    Great Work :D

    ---------

    Please check out a few of my poems if you want.. in particular "Sticks and Stones" and "Why Suicide?"

    Thanks

  • 9 years ago

    by Michelle18

    One word can describe this poem... AMAZING... and im not just saying that either.. i know that alot of people dont even read most poems and they just say its good.. i read every line and got swept away.

    the suspense was thrilling. i just loved this poem.

    i have no suggestions as to making it better because i think its great the way it is.

    but i will suggest maybe writing a second part to this one.

    good job.

    5/5 from me.

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Honestly this poem kept me on the edge of my seat. Your words flowed freely as your tears but not as well recieved as they could have been if my Computor had been runing faster In other words if my palet had been more clear, so believe me this was sweet

  • 9 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    Holy crap. This poem is amazing. I am floored. I can't think of anything to suggest that would make this poem any better than it is. Wonderful job.

  • 9 years ago

    by Cayce

    That was extremely captivating. It was like a story, but so much better. Your words just seemed to roll off my tongue [Yes, I had to read it out loud, because it was just too beautiful to read silently], so smoothe. The perfect choice of words.

    Your ending was really strong. It summed up everything you were trying to say perfectly. From the very first sentence I was in like a trance. It was like those were actually my thoughts, and that really happened to me. I guess it helps that I'm feeling some of the same emotions right now.

    This was a really great peice. One of my favorites on this site. You're so talented. ><

    Amazing.

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

    P.S. Sorry if my comment isn't that great. I haven't written one in a while. My brain hasn't been working well lately. Haha.

  • 9 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    OMG I LOVED YOUR POEM, i loved the style, the emotion and that its probably a true situation somewhere. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by The Angel of Secrets

    I liked this a lot, I love the emotion of the whole thing.

    Thank you for the comment on "The Road to Heaven." I appriciate it.

    The Angel of Secrets

  • 9 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Thanxx for changing it to sad category... i really wanted to read it.. the title really captured my attention... very interesting title...

    The whole piece was so sad... and well expressed... with each word you spoke.. you inner emotions are so beautifully revealed... one could feel the pain and remorse in the whole piece...

    "I'm not ashamed enough to not admit to you,
    that every breath I take I use to gasp your name again."

    "I love you."

    ^^ this really touched...

    beautifully picturised....

    keep writing dear...
    and plz dnt be sad... wish you loads of happiness...
    keep smiling... :)

  • 9 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Ah, beautiful beautiful beautiful! <3

    First of all, I have to say that the very first line of this piece fitted perfectly: "This wasn't meant to happen." Mostly because of what you said in your note at the end, about you getting that phone call. It's as if it all ties in. You didn't know you were going to get the call, it wasn't supposed to happen.

    I felt that the beginning of the poem kind of contrasts with the end, and that's something I really liked. This line, for example: "Oh, how these broken breaths begin to choke me.
    Two seconds in and I've already kissed his feet." The act of "kissing his feet" creates a sense of slavery, that the narrator would do anything for "him", kind of like a master. But it seems as though the narrator is the one holding on; still loving after all this time.

    By the end of the poem, however, this line: "for every time I try to let you go, your grip is just too strong for me...)" you get a sense of it being the guy who will not let go. It kind of leaves the reader confused, but I liked that. You made me work to interpret this, and I loved it.

    "
    (Pathetic words escape my lips,
    as my mind runs through the possibilities.
    I kiss the stars just one last time,
    before I dry my hands and intertwine them with his lies.
    His toxic scents have binded me again,
    but this time, I don't want to fight.)"

    ^^ This was probably my favourite stanza. "His toxic scents have binded me again..." -- STUNNING line.

    Brilliant work. :)

  • 9 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    Hey! This was for my contest! XD

    I really loved this, a lot. It was much different in the style/format than what I am used to reading. The topic isn't too unique, but since it is literally based off of something that happened to you, I think it is great. Especially that you were able to write about it so quickly. I think that shows great strength :)

    Good luck in my contest! Winners will be posted in that same thread tomorrow!

    5.5
    ~Lace

  • 9 years ago

    by Cooper

    Oh, wow ... that's talent if I've ever seen it ... the past few contest nominations haven't really been .. well ... like this.
    This poem of yours has a very unique style ... I like it, and your choice of words are very deep.
    So, yeah, nice job.

    And it seems I may be the only one who noticed the Trivium line from "Dying in Your Arms"
    Or is that just coincidence?

    Again, well done! A splendid love/sad poem (whatever you want to call it) that will more than likely outshine the competition.

  • 9 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "This wasn't meant to happen.

    His name was never supposed to show up,
    on this glowing cell phone screen again..."

    ^^ AHHHHH I love this as the opening, as I was reading it I just thought how many people can relate to this...beautiful way to hook the reader into the poem!

    "These shivers overtake my body in bursts;
    my tears are seeping through my screams at midnight.
    The anxiety of his voice invades my thoughts,"

    ^^ You manage to make the poem even stronger here, the emotion, the depth, the imagery all melts together in these lines to make for a stunning few lines, the flow never once faltering.

    "(My voice departs in stammers of apathetic glee,
    awaiting his gentle whisper, my heart begins to stutter.
    "Can you hear me anymore, my love...?"
    These fragile strengths begin to crumble,
    beneath his overwhelming sneer as he hears my rout.
    Three hundred and sixty five days since I've lost him,
    and now he's back again.)"

    ^^OH MY...easily my favourite stanza so far..I frikken love this, the depth and emotion here is indescribale (sp?) The transition from loss to possible ..hope? ..adds for a stunning affect on this stanza alone.

    "(Oh, how these broken breaths begin to choke me.
    Two seconds in and I've already kissed his feet."

    ^^ I love these lines..ahhh..I simply love them, to me these lines show both hope and sadness...hope that maybe something will change, sadness that the same thing is happening again...

    "His frozen lyrics start to melt these walls away;
    The weight of his insecurities blanket my fallen heart,
    each and every piece grows heavier with his return.
    "Can't you see that you're hurting me?")"

    ^^ It gets even better here...the fact of wanting someone but knowing they're no good for you..the sincerity, the emotion here is overwhelming...

    "(Pathetic words escape my lips,
    as my mind runs through the possibilities.
    I kiss the stars just one last time,
    before I dry my hands and intertwine them with his lies.
    His toxic scents have binded me again,
    but this time, I don't want to fight.)"

    ^^I thought this marked a powerful point in the piece, as I found this to be void of all hope, all possibility, just pure loneliness and despair, and changing emotions straight from the last stanza to these makes this stanza very hard hitting for the reader.

    "(I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me:
    so tonight, we'll end this in a bloody bath of icy tears.
    These velvet cries shall cloak our screams,
    and I promise you, these fallen stars will light our way.
    They'll lay these fading limericks at our hearts,
    and our final breaths will drown these flames together."

    ^^ Can I just say the imagery in this stanza is BEAUTIFUL! Just frikken beautiful! Oh my, so many detailed and vivid pictures run through my mind, this creates such striking visuals for the reader, I love this.

    "I'm not ashamed enough to not admit to you,
    that every breath I take I use to gasp your name again.)

    "I love you.""

    Oooohhhh...the melancholy in these few lines is heartbreaking...you manage to portray such emotion with a such few words and I can feel my heart drowning with sorrow as I read these lines...

    "(...and if being with you means disappearing, then
    this is me dying in your arms; I cut you out, now set me free,
    for every time I try to let you go, your grip is just too strong for me...)"

    ^^Okay I changed my mind...this is my favourite part of the piece. I simply adore and love these lines, so strong, so full of meaning, so powerful, heartwrenching and hard hitting all wrapped up in one makes for a simply beautiful ending to the piece.
    This part of the piece brought tears to my eyes..something I can relate to all to well at the moment, which is why I think I love it so much.

    I also liked the fact that this part rhymed even though the rest of it didn't.

    I honestly can't find anything bad to say about this..I love it.

    You outdid yourself with this one, you should be proud.