We Might As Well Be Strangers (Free Verse)

by Ashleigh Skye   Dec 19, 2008


The world is like a silver coin,
in an instant things can change
taking everything that you once knew,
and completely rattling it up.
Leaving you sobbing and alone,
when you were once surrounded with kisses
and warm embraces.
You once told me I was like a shadow
leaving my presence on our home
only to turn around, and disappear.
That hit a nerve and I bled out the pain
but it left a scar that's never healed,
rather gotten smaller over time.
And now like a demon you flip again,
removing your comforting smiles and attacking me,
with all of the guards that once came to my rescue.
How am I supposed to grow up and get past my issues
when I'm blamed and punished for being myself,
doing what you taught me for god's sake.
With the morals that you passed on to me.
So in order to separate myself from the harshness of your words,
I become mute,
a silent presence slowly seperating myself from your words.
Leaving
just like you predicted
a shadowy presence.
But unlike your prediction this shadow is not a filler,
no, instead it is an emptiness
my last strand of defense,
protecting me from the words that you throw like daggers,
and eyes that can burn the flesh.
While the real me is buried
deep within myself
simply waiting,

For the spinning to stop.

©
PLEASE COMMENT AND VOTE THANKS A LOT

*free verse-Free Verse is an irregular form of poetry in which the content free of traditional rules of versification*

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  • 15 years ago

    by Spirit

    We Might As Well Be Strangers

    To be truthful I blanked out half way through and had to go back to the begaining and start over. Your begaining is very strong and your ending is fantastic. The middle however, is a llitle blah. The Idea is good, but the words need a little spicing up.

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    "taking everything that you once knew so well
    and completely rattling it up."
    [taking everything you once knew,
    and completely rattling it up]
    - I liked the word usage of rattling but though that 'so well' drug the line out too much. Sometimes less is better due to the fact that when there's too much it takes the attention away from what it needs to be on and rather to what it doesn't need to be on.

    "You once told me I was like a shadow
    leaving my presence on our home
    only to turn around and disappear."

    [You once told me I was like a shadow
    leaving my presence on our home
    only to turn around, to disappear.]
    - Personally I think that adding 'to' x2 makes it seem more parallel(ly) correct.

    "That hit a nerve and I bled out the pain
    but it left a scar that's never healed,
    only gotten smaller over time."
    [That hit a nerve, I bled out the pain
    but it left a scar that's never healed,
    rather gotten smaller over time]
    'Only' and 'and' are ugly words sometimes, not always, but sometimes. You've used 'and' quite a bit through-out the poem and 'only' just doesn't do teh line/stanza/poem justice. I'd suggest changing the two.

    "So in order to seperate myself from the harshness of your words,
    I become mute,"
    - seperate = separate.

    One thing you are good at is imagery, I'd give you tons and tons and tons of kudos if I possibly could for imagery alone. You set a nice emotional boundary in your poems too, in poetic form at that. Which also deserves tons of kudos. In this poem, however you did overuse the word 'and' as well as a few ugly words that took away from the poem. One thing that I think all poets should remember is that sometimes less is better, you had a case in this poem where I showed you that. Less is not ALWAYS better but you do not want to drag a line/stanza out. It takes attention and emotional values away from the poem and directs them on the part that can easily be removed in order to create a better structure and flow.

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