I Always Knew

In the back of my mind,
I still see him

In his 'holy' jeans:
An unbuttoned shirt whipping carelessly
Over his perfectly sculpted chest,
Flip-flops thrown on his feet,
A sketch pad and charcoal pencils in one hand
While his other hand tugged on mine.
Bidding me follow him
Wherever he chose to go.

I always went willingly.

In the corners of my heart,
I still feel him.

Sliding his arms around my waist,
Pressing his body into mine.
Whispering secrets into my ear
That only him and I needed to know.
Covering me with his warmth:
His words of silk and hands of satin,
Until the world could have fallen down around me
And I wouldn't have noticed; as caught up in him as I was.

I always got dizzy around him.

In the crevices of my soul,
I still know him.

His smile crinkling up at the sight of me,
His eyes boring ruthlessly into mine,
Until, eventually, I always looked away.
The way his heart would beat:
Loud and strong, faster and faster under my head.
I remember laying with him in complete silence:
Our mouths didn't need to talk; our bodies were competent enough.
And being with him was tops on my priority list.

I always knew he was something special.

In the reflection of my tears,
I still sense his love.

In the way I reread his letters,
His words of understanding and unconditional love.
The way he could take my worst day and
Twist it around in his typical carefree style.
Until the day he left, and there was no one there
To send me a letter that lifted my mood. And I was left
Stuck in a state of numbness that I didn't understand.
Just like I didn't understand his lack of explanation.

I always knew it wouldn't be easy to let him go.

Copyright 2009 S. Sieglaff