Hopeless

by Inside the Liar   Apr 18, 2009


He brews a pot of coffee
And leans against against the counter
Waiting for it to finish.
And while he waits his mind wanders.
Drifting, as always, to her.
He sees her in his mind
Smiling, beckoning to him.
He allows a smile to escape his lips
And he can't help but smile
And know that it's perfect
Even though at times he thinks
It's hopeless.

Halfway across the world
She stretches in her room
Wondering what he's doing now
And if he's thinking of her.
She can almost feel him.
And see him in her mind.
Smiling, beckoning to her.
She allows a sigh to escape her lips
And she can't help but smile
And know that it's perfect.
Even though there are times when she wonders
If it's hopeless.

They couldn't be closer
Even though they couldn't be further apart
Sometimes the longing gets to be too much
But then they think of the other.
And everything feels right again.
She keeps him close in her dreams.
He keeps her near in his mind.
He loves her; she loves him.
And they both long for the day
When she can run her fingers through his hair
And he can hold her tight against him.
And they can know without a doubt

That it was never hopeless.

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by WaitAutumn

    *They ciouldn't be closer*
    you got a spelling error there.. ^^

    mmmh.. i liked the way it's hopeless, then at the end.. it just isn't. A little bit confusing at first, but when you read it a second time it's better.
    But switching to one to ther other was interesting. Showing both feelings
    nice poem ^^

  • 10 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    There was a lot of pronouns in this piece like she, he, his, her, ect. ect. which made the poem become extremely cluttered and confusing at times because it kind of made the poem all that more difficult to read.. however if you read it slow you understand the point of the poem. I thought that you did well with this, your poems are different from other poets. I dont know what it is, but your poems just have more length to them, and some arent always necessairly poems, but maybe like a paper or something like your House Divided one. Theres just something unique about you :]

    A decent job.
    5/5

    Temps!

  • 10 years ago

    by The Prince

    This was difficult to read because it was so simple. I found myself skipping everything because everywhere there is a 'and', 'she', 'her', 'it', words that don't actually add anything to the plot or story. If you took all those words away (which is a good excercise), you're left with your story. You 'told' us something here, you didn't show it through emotion, or imagery, or metaphor, and what we're left with is a...skeleton of a story. It's your job to flesh it out a bit, to make it interesting.

    Bits like:

    'They ciouldn't be closer
    Even though they couldn't be further apart'

    Spoonfeed the reader. Reader's don't want to be spoonfed.

    'And while he waits his mind wanders.'

    This could be expanded a lot more; and you should be asking yourself what each line adds to the story. The caps lock isn't needed at the beginning of each line, only when you use a full stop.

    I can't really say much more than to just expand on this a lot more, give it substance cause at the moment, it's just bare bones.

  • 10 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Aww... wow i like this poem a lot... I love how you wrote it like a story... and the way you expressed the love of a long distant relationship... it's just so nicely done!
    I loved these lines:
    "They ciouldn't be closer
    Even though they couldn't be further apart
    Sometimes the longing gets to be too much
    But then they think of the other.
    And eveything feels right again.
    She keeps him close in her dreams.
    He keeps her near in his mind.
    He loves her; she loves him."

    Good job!