Comments : Children Never Forget

  • 8 years ago

    by XxMoonLightxX

    I really thought this was a great poem. 5/5

    It flowed well and I like how your brought three different lives together to show how similar they really were in one poem

    of course some of the rhymes were not perfect rhymes (which alot of people who commented my poems tend to complain about [which bugs me cuz i don't think perfect rhyming is that fun]) I still think all of the rhymes fit together well and helped the poem along.

    I look forward to reading more of your writing!

    -MoonLight

  • 8 years ago

    by Jad

    This poem was excellant 5/5.
    The flowed was good and the rhyme was good too. I loved the emotion you put in it. It was interesting how yuo linked one person having seen there parents with problems to one having problems with their parents.
    The context was true though because people do have those kind of problems.
    Well at any rate a truly excellant poem.

  • 8 years ago

    by bella

    Great great poem very well done

  • 8 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Woww. Amazing write. You have reall talent. ((: The words floweed as perfectly as the rhythm in your piece. You expressed your emotions clearly, and everything was just amazing. I wouldn't change a thing in this poemm. ((: Great write, great read. 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Cayce

    I decided to go ahead and read you poem, and I'm very glad I did. I actually loved it.

    Children never forget.
    --- The repetition of this line was so strong. Usually repetition kind of bugs me, because people over use it, but I think the repetition really added to you poem.. It's so true too, they never forget.

    But normal was just a disguise,
    For how dysfunctional they were;
    Because right beneath the surface;
    Lied a completely different world.
    --- I think there's a lot of families like that. They just put on a show for everyone, because they don't want people to know that their family has problems. It's a very relatable stanza.

    No fate could have been worse,
    Than to be born his father's son.
    --- I could really feel the hate for his father right here.. even if this isn't about you, you're very talented at making it seem like it is.

    Overall, I think the rhymes were amazing, which made it flow really well, and I think there were a lot of parts in it that would make someone going through that situation feel less alone, like someone out there actually knows what it feels like.

    Great job. :]

    Cayce

  • 8 years ago

    by Robie Lincer

    Very impressive... this is a poem, u should have published... :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Her father took no nonsense.

    Mom was underground, six feet.

    Those two lines above throw off the flow for some reason , and make the reader have to reread them in order to get back into it.

    And although the bruises have fade,

    Fade should be faded.

    This is so true , and so sad . I wanted to cry . Definately one of my favorite , and the most meaningful poem I've ever read . 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Very interesting poem and it is true they never do

  • 8 years ago

    by Aubrey

    So Sad. But very truthful. Beautiful Poem. I give you a 5/5. You did a great job.

  • 8 years ago

    by Sylvia

    I am glad that I read your poem. Your words are very powerful and you are so right in that children never forget. Well done.

  • 8 years ago

    by Countess of Monte Cristo

    This hit close to home. Being physically assaulted by my mother numerous times in a society where beating children is alright, your poem did affect me. Good job. C.Bliss

  • 8 years ago

    by Lilly Tagloff

    Really caught my attention.
    very well written.
    i really like the repetition and the different stories.
    5/5 :]

  • 8 years ago

    by Nobody

    BRAVO! this poem is beautifully done
    each child with a different story but all end the same it goes to show that no matter how green the grass looks on the other side we all go through our own trials. this poem had great flow and i loved the description, and word chioce. so many emotions it really made you think i read over and over again
    i loved it!!! its going in my favs
    keep up the amazing poems!!! you amazing!!
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    This one is so so touching and so brilliantly narrated... each story is powerful... brialliantly portrayed that the imgaes start flickering in our minds...

    the sad tale is the truth behind these stories... children never forget indeed...

    I just adored this write... something that adults should read...

    brilliant piece... keep writing...

  • 8 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    I always look at the layout and structure of a poem before I decide whether or not to read them, and I must say -- The structure of this was so perfect, so neat that it made me assume it had a nice flow..I was correct.

    The title was simple yet catching, you explained the point of the poem in it and thats important. The reader knows what to expect, it wasn't just something random thrown there. A title is the first thing the reader judges the poem on, even before they've set eye on the poem itself.

    The story like technique you use is extremely easy to read. The first stanza opened it like a story, got the reader interested. Also I like how you use simple, common names for the children in the poem. Makes it more realistic.

    "But normal was just a disguise,
    For how dysfunctional they were;
    Because right beneath the surface;
    Lied a completely different world."
    `At first I saw the "but" starting off a stanza and thought it wouldn't work at all, because it usually doesn't. Though, when you used "but" and then "because" it created a lovely flow with the repeated B sound.
    "Disguise" "Dysfunctional" "Different"
    The repeated D was also very sly but worked very well, its not like typical alliteration but was still excellent.
    I love the idea of a disguise, and the disguise being the surface that is covering up so much more.
    Really adored this stanza.

    "Mother used to sit and stare,
    Watched her love turn into hate."
    `I loved this. The mother watching him which made her hate him, the idea of watching your feelings change as you watch the person change..really something we do everyday without knowing isn't it.

    "Sue grew bitter with the years,
    Because...

    Children never forget."
    `This repetition through out the poem was powerful, referred to the title and really hit the bone. Its so true aswell, the mind won't let things go. No matter what age.

    I enjoyed how you used 3 different heartbreaking stories to get your point across, it made it so much more powerful. No matter what the circumstances, children never forgot.

    Excellent write, Atomic! :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Lu

    What a touching read Atomic ! So much truth in your words.

    Nice reading your work once again .... been forever hun

    Thanks for sharing your words. Hopefully it will open some eyes!

    Excellent read

  • 8 years ago

    by Not Enough

    Sue grew up in a normal home,
    Green lawn, white picket fence;
    Her mother was a homemaker,
    Her father took no nonsense.

    ^^ I think the rhyming didn't really fit, but it was still pretty good. And it was a good way to start.

    But normal was just a disguise,
    For how dysfunctional they were;
    Because right beneath the surface;
    Lied a completely different world.

    ^^ Again, the rhyming is just a little bit off. But the flow is nice, though it does kind of throw the flow off.

    Father used to drink too much,
    More than he could tolerate;
    Mother used to sit and stare,
    Watched her love turn into hate.

    And although they never beat her,
    Never raised their hands to hit;
    Sue grew bitter with the years,
    Because...

    Children never forget.

    ^^ I love that line, very powerful.

    Dan grew up in a shabby home,
    In a trailer down the street;
    His dad was a single parent,
    Mom was underground, six feet.

    ^^ The flow isn't all that good, but it's a good message. And it's quite sad.

    He recalled the numerous times,
    Dad would call her in their room;
    And the screams and cries that followed,
    Which ended with mom in June.

    ^^ The story is great, even amazing. But you really have to work on the flow and the rhymes. They just don't seem to it in quite well.

    Young and innocent, was he,
    Caught in a web his father spun;
    No fate could have been worse,
    Than to be born his father's son.

    ^^ Wow, I really like that last line. Amazingly powerful. And again it is quite sad.

    And although the bruises have faded,
    Dad stopped having violent fits;
    Dan grew bitter with the years,
    Because...

    Children never forget.

    ^^ I really like how you repeated this line.

    Sam grew up in the big city,
    She was as urban as they come;
    Dad wandered from wedded bliss,
    Mom remarried and had a son.

    ^^ the flow is really off here, along with the rhyming. I think you could'e done better. But the story is still there.

    Her step-dad was a kind man,
    She could tell he was real nice;
    But looks could be deceiving,
    For his touch was cold as ice.

    ^^ Now this one is good. Te flow is there, the rhyming is awesome. I'd say it's the best stanza. Also because the emotions are very powerful.

    She was young and she was sweet,
    But one man turned that around;
    When he touched her here and there,
    Her whole world came crashing down.

    ^^ Wow, this stanza is amazing. I like the last line a lot.

    And although the touching stopped,
    They moved on bit by bit;
    Sam grew bitter with the years,
    Because...

    Children never forget.

    ^^ The rhyming was a little off but it was a good way to end. And I can relate to a lot of these types of poems.

    All in all, I think the story was awesomely sad. But you could've done better with the flow and the rhyming.

    Soda E>

  • 8 years ago

    by PygmyPuff

    Woah, this hits home. The structure is amazing, even with such a rhyme scheme it doesnt seem forced, or dry in places. It flows very well, and does a great job at putting images in the readers' minds.

  • 8 years ago

    by Clown

    I can relate to this on one event, when my father tried to Sacrifice me in the name of god. I grew up bitter toward the entire christan world becouse of it, i have changed that veiw only recently, but Paganism is still the right thing for me.
    Great poem, i loved it.

  • 8 years ago

    by megan

    It was an excellent poem. i know i will never forget. despite what my parents think.