It's a Secret No One Will Ever Know

I miss the way it used to be when you said you cared
I miss the way I always smiled with the inside jokes we shared

It always seemed easier when you somewhere near
But you were like everyone else who played on my biggest fear

I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
but like everyone else you made a swift choice

Like a baseball game I had chances but I blew it
like the winning catch that i thought I had not that I knew it

Instead of catching the ball I fought to save the bird
I know what you're thinking that's so absurd

I took the chance to tell you all the feelings that I was bound to keep
and in my dreams you made it hard to sleep

I wanted what I said i want, I meant what I said
I didn't do what you were thinking, I didn't play with your head

I know this sounds so stupid so completely useless
but believe it or not I need to get through this

This is how I act this is what I do
when I'm telling the truth

rambling like I often do
this is how I am when thinking of you

I don't want you gone but I don't want you near
none of my words you hear

you know what i want, you know what i think, even how i feel
please you gotta understand i need to know this is real

i know i throw a fit and i know I'm not the princess read about in books
and i know there are other girls out there with better looks

i just want you to know that you're the only one i think about at night
and you're the only one i believe when you say it's gonna be alright

how can you cause this when you're not even here
you're so far away it makes me what to be right there

you're the one i want in my life but i can't go through this every time it's just me and you
you have no idea what it is i go through

i seem to be begging but mustn't get confused
this isn't what it looks like I'm only getting used

i love you more than you will ever know
but that doesn't mean a thing to you though

i go through the motions pretending I'm completely unaware
as you walk by i can only stare

i told you once that caring hurts which is why i don't want to care
and all you did was tell me that caring is worth it so i should care

i don't want to care cause all it does is kill
I'm still here begging this was real

i don't get the best of both worlds i don't even get an answer to the questions i seek
i don't even know why i try so hard it's not like the words i want to say i can speak

you torture me just by kissing me like you do
but no matter what i can't just say I'm through

a thousand knifes Peirce me every time i breathe
and i know what it is i need

the only problem is you'll never know
cause my feelings i rarely show