Comments : Away from the Sun.

  • 8 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    I really found this a very deep write ..I love free versed poems..and I think you did so well over here expressing this wisdom found inside of you.

    I just felt the words through this poem and almost saw the expressions you worded through an image.
    a very well written piece.

    Happiness danced
    freely on fingertips;
    yet I was too numb
    to feel your touch.
    Unable to see the best
    of the end.

    ^^^my fav stanza..reveals such an imagination!

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    another deep and thought provoking piece,

    Thousands of miles
    from the sun, I stood
    unwilling to let go-
    tangling myself into an impasse-
    daydreaming until time
    was forever gone.

    Full ov vivid imagery and awesome word choices. Leaving the reader caught in their own daydreams.
    Excellent job!
    Love Cindy

  • 8 years ago

    by Jad

    As already said, your poems are very creative and the depth of which the emotions speak through the poem is very outstanding. A love the imagery in this piece as it paints a picture in our mind as we read further in. Once again great job. Good job and keep writing.

  • 8 years ago

    by abracadabra

    There are some sweet and creative lines here which I enjoyed. Here are some things that I don't enjoy...but these, of course, are just my personal preferences:

    * The word "betwixt". In fact, I dislike most archaic words in non-archaic poetry. And when words seem to be inserted in a poem for the sake of it, when there is a very similar and simpler and obvious word that can be used instead. Don't hamper the message of your poem with clunky words like this.

    * Hyphens. I use hyphens a lot myself. But on this website I am increasingly seeing them -used like this-. It's weird, and for me, ineffective. It makes me stop breathing and is too contrived. The enjambment, the spaces and the word choice should speak for themselves. The flow needs work.

    Please don't take my criticisms too harshly. You are obviously a very active poet and you are capable of some beautiful lines. "hues blossomed", "charcoal heart" etc. You were able to convey the period of frozen-ness before a change very well. Just needs a bit more mature development that comes from further reading and writing.
    *Considering most of the poem was quite elaborate and built-up, the ending was quite trite.

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Beautiful.... enough said

  • 8 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Well, I already commented on this, as you know, but I have made a promise to myself to comment on each poem. I do not remember my original comment anymore, it was a very kind one, for I truly like this verse.

    I like the uplifting tone and the strength of character that you show.

    A very well done from me.

    5/5 Ingrid