White Lies Don't Tell The Truth

by jescelle   Sep 6, 2010

It was more than a white lie,
To say that I was alright.

"I was a tough cookie and that made everything ok..."
If I were honest I would have said that no torture,
No pain nor panic, could ever top it.
Like watching the bubbles float up and away,
Dragged and drowning, until the surface disappears.

At first the push-then-pull confused my reality,
And "Where am I?" didn't stick.
Distracting myself while trusting others confusion,
And the minutes that seemed like days?
I transformed them for myself in secret.

Sessions of self destruction,
And concern from nameless faces,
Pulling me in directions I was forced to go.
Floating just below the system,
And I didn't notice the barreling train...

I couldn't find the turns to take,
Standing still seemed the safest place.
Tempting hatred kept doing me in,
Sealing my fate, insanities jail.
Back and forth, enslaving the melody to intensity.

Lost and found. "Gone for a while..."
When I couldn't accept momentary happiness.
Transfixed on the inevitable end to each one.
So I pushed and I ruined all the colors of dishonesty,
And found my canvass comfortably black and white.

More than changed once Angels looked like beasts.
If I had trusted them once, it was no longer.
If I had anything left to protect, I couldn't be stronger...
Slipping backwards and skinning my palms,
Terrified of trust; desperate attempts to escape it's claws.

Never expected anyone to understand why,
I thought my burdens were heavier then they could bare.
So I blocked myself out believing they'd benefit; my own lies.
And I cut them loose and made sure they'd never try again.
But alone I could hurt the one I thought deserved it then...

I surfaced all safe and sound,
But sensitive scars still rip from time to time.

"I was a tough cookie and that made everything ok..."

It was more than a white lie,
To say that I was alright.


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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    The thing I love most about your writing is you always put everything you have into your work. Talent between artists will always be different, but you have to respect people who give everything they have no matter what. As long as you write whats in your heart and hold nothing back you'll always be happy with your work...Excellent job expressing your emotions with this piece.

  • 7 years ago

    by jescelle

    Thanx for the input, I'll play with it and edit it some more. It IS more of a short story, but in the form of poetry, that's what I was aiming for. The quotes were meant for impact...

  • 7 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    WOW!! I'm speechless.... this poem is sooo deep and well-expressed... The emotions and experiences you've written about are outstanding... I absolutely loved it! The title caught my eye and I was engaged throughout the entire poem... I also loved the ending! Great job!