Comments : Within Us All

  • 7 years ago

    by The Queen

    A very powerful piece you've penned her Lu.

    Raised by the sun
    and fallen by the moon
    ^ Lol loved the contrast between the two.

    Great stuff as always.

  • 7 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    Can love be so easily
    forgotten;
    Raised by the sun
    and fallen by the moon

    This was my fave part Lu, but I love the whole piece, your word choice, description, all done nicely. Great work hun! It really spoke to me.

  • 7 years ago

    by shadow

    I liked it so much I voted for it to win the weekly contest. Good luck :)

  • 7 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Then to hold words
    of a fabulist
    and feel the interior suffering
    of this dying soul ..."
    ^'then' should be 'than' I believe, because of the comparison, and I do not believe 'to' is necessary here

    "of a fabulist
    and feel the interior suffering
    of this dying soul ..."
    ^I think one period is sufficient. The thought has been completed.

    If I were you I'd put a question mark after the last stanza, definitely provokes the reader to think! A very interesting write, full of creativity and definitely leaves the reader to ponder at the conclusion of the poem...Wonderful job

  • 7 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    This poem has some very valid questions in it. I's say some choose to be a liar, and miss out on a worthy existence. I have also known people who had green gold stuffed where others hold people dear.

    The ones who embrace love with all the tears and joy that come along with it are the lucky ones, in my opinion.

    Well worded thoughts, Luanne

    Great stuff from you:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 7 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Can love be so easily
    forgotten;
    Raised by the sun
    and fallen by the moon

    Amazing lines lu! Very very well done,:)

  • 7 years ago

    by Andrew

    Theres nothing left to say but 5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    `d rather hold the tongue
    of a dragon
    and feel the exterior blaze
    of melting flesh ...

    Than to hold words
    of a fabulist
    and feel the interior suffering
    of this dying soul ...

    THose 2 verses says a lot, it portrays pain, anguish and sadness. A very deep write..congrats on the weekly win!

  • 7 years ago

    by AngelDust

    This is amazing and the piece itself, incredable. It is very carefully laid out and worded beautifully. I haven't read or enjoyed such a sincere piece in a long time. A well deserved win. Well done, fantastic job!!

    Danika
    --xx--

  • 7 years ago

    by Cindy

    Congrats on a well deserved win Luanne :)
    Love you
    Cindy