All she could think of as she started to drive
was the look on his face when he started
to lie again. But this time would be different.
She had walked out this time
and there would be no more turning back.
So she left and was left with only memories.
Some good, some bad, but you can't lose memories
the way being with him had made her lose her drive.
She was going to be somebody way back
before she met him. But when she finally started
to pursue that goal, he complained it took all her time.
So she quit, and hoped that soon his feelings would be different.
But only one thing after that was different,
and she'll always be haunted by those memories.
She wasn't expecting it the first time.
She'd never imagined that his anger would drive
him to abuse, and when he started,
she knew she shouldn't have made excuses behind his back.
No matter how often he messed up, she always took him back
because she always hoped it would be different.
And for a few weeks, when it started,
it was. She held on to those memories,
though all the others she tried in vain to drive
away. She knew they'd fade in time.
She felt she played the fool every time
she let him talk his way back
into her good graces. His incessant begging would drive
her in compliance and lead her to believe he would be different.
Her stupidity was the bane for all those awful memories.
She wondered why she hadn't known better when it started.
She was so blinded in love that she didn't notice it had started
and his actions only got worse with time.
She had finally stopped trying to escape the memories
when after the last time she wound up on her back
She realized it would never be different
until she got in her car to drive.
The memories plagued her as she continued to drive;
she knew over time that it would be different.
And as she started out, she knew she'd never go back.
Copyright 2011 S. Sieglaff
*A sestina is a lyrical fixed form consisting of six 6-line usually unrhymed stanzas in which the end words of the first stanza recur as end words of the following five stanzas in a successively rotating order and as the middle and end words of the three verses of the concluding tercet. *