Comments : Smokin' And Sippin' Whiskey

  • 6 years ago

    by yogi73

    Nice down to earth poem. good wording. I like that God thinks we're wimps

  • 6 years ago

    by La Reina De Corazones

    It was cute and it made u realize not everything is about u very good! :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    The introduction and the endin r superb..how u portray god sitting with u is wonderful..the content is heartfelt and real.ht tells a story of someone who wants to change..i loved it

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    That's much better!!!
    This flows perfectly.

    I loved this piece,
    the addition of gods words was awesome
    as was the repition of the title.

    The ending couldn't be any better.

    What a great poem!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Mattias Ostling

    I liked it. Very down-to-earth and personal, yet very familar in a way.

    "Got a quote tattoo on my back,
    "Only God Can Judge Me."
    A cross around my neck,
    and a bad attitude.

    God and me were sittin' there,
    smokin', and sippin' whiskey.
    He told me somethin',
    somethin' that might change everything. "

    These two stanzas really paint a vivid picture of a laidback person. I thought a bit about the quote "Only God Can Judge Me", and think it would might work better with "only God can judge Me". As in, with capitals on the people, to emphasize the fact that it's He and I, and no one else.

    "He whispered,
    "Your not as strong as you think,"
    Then he disapeared.
    I was just sittin there, smokin and sippin' whiskey. "

    I liked this stanza as well. It is easy to think oneself invincible sometimes, and it can do a ton of good to realize that one is not.
    And just some grammar nitpicking:
    "You're" rather than "Your", your is the possessive form of "you", as in, you own it. While "you're" is the contraction of "you are". And you missed a p in disappeared

    "I never been a good girl,
    always had somethin' to argue about.
    got into trouble, everyday.
    I never gave a damn.

    Then I looked back on my life,
    and realized something, something big.
    "I need to change," I told myself.
    Well I was sittin' there, smokin' and sippin' whiskey. "

    I loved the ending, and it reminds me on my kid sister.
    the word "everyday" as one word, means "ordinary" in the sense that it is common - it is then used as an adjective to describe a noun, whilst the word "every day" means literally, every day of a time period. So I would choose "every day" rather than "everyday"

    My overall impression of this poem is that it flows very nicely, and is well written. I can relate to many parts of it and I look forward to reading more of your poems.

  • 6 years ago

    by Something Diabolical

    I really enjoyed reading this
    very down to earth!
    to me it flowed very nicely

    i can see this being a song

    overall a good write in my opinion. keep it up!

    5/5 from me
    (even if it was utter rubbish it would of got a 5/5 because i love "Smokin' And Sippin' whiskey" haha.. good thing its not though)

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    Awesome! Well written, I agree with the above comments and I like the fact that there is a good turning point " realizing that there must be a change". 5\5 :D

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    This is definitely an amazing piece.
    It conveys so much faith.. and so much questions of 'us'. It reminds me of You Found Me - The Fray.

    I like a lot.

  • 6 years ago

    by who i am is me

    Reminds me of bluebird by charles buwoski...nice and honest,different...i like

  • 5 years ago

    by Ruby Red Memories

    This poem is probably the most heartfelt one that I have read by you I absoultly loved it

    5/5