Firebug

by Nevi   Oct 12, 2011


The hazy smoke
that smells of
phosphorescence
curling skyward
from the
tip of my match

(21 Syllables, written for The Marathon of Great Clubs)

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Latest Comments

  • 5 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    Creative, imaginative, and brilliant. Your words allowed the reader to see the smoke and so real you could swear you smelled sulfur from the match. Excellent

    Connie

  • 5 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Nevi,

    This is another one of yours I was impressed with when I read it for the marathon. Typically it can be hard to say what you need to say when writing within a limit such as a syllable count (hence why my creativity doesn't generally go anywhere past free verse lol!) but with this piece of writing here I felt it was natural, I would of never have guessed that this was written to a guideline.

    Of course here the concept intrigued me, my favorite scent is that of burnt matches and so it was almost as the I could smell it in the atmosphere. The idea you came up with was simple but clever, I'd have never of thought to write a poem on the smoke coming from the tip of a match and yet you managed to get all the important elements in here, you used the senses, "Hazy smoke" with a description of sigh, "The smell of phorsphorescence" for scent and you made it come alive.

    This was another great piece from you. Great work.

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