I must say,my new year begin with reading your poem and it is just perfect...so original,so good....
every line is upto the mark and seems as if written by a heart who has gone through some turmoil...
great flow and I could relate a lot to it....!!
Clouded by years of memory,
hazed with final hurtful words,
fill my brain of mere confusion.
The more I pretend to not care,
the level of disbelief rises.
Wow... this poem is amazing. I was captivated from the start, and I like the title, as I tend to find it difficult to sleep at night sometimes. I love the first stanza, it was mysterious and different... and engaged because I continued reading. I like how you mention this person was held on a pedestal, but the reader understands throughout the poem that this person has changed.
I love the final stanza, it was the perfect ending.
"I sleep away worries in the daylight,
awake with thoughts of you at night,
living life nocturnally."
>> Beautiful words!!!
I love how the title of the poem ties into this piece- especially with the closing line. Everything was just so raw and heart-wrenching, like...
"You were held on a pedestal.
Given every ounce of admiration
I once held in my heart.
The rock that stayed strong and firm,
the prayers I could rely on. "
You put it plain and simple how he was your stronghold, your founndation, you gave all you had in your soul for him, made room for him. He made you strong and he was your rock- that is like a huge statement, acting as your protector.
And it leaves my heart hurting with these words that someone who just lifted up you could leave you feeling empty and....I loved how you pinned this "restless"- that just gives so much lonely imagery.
And the last stanza was so well-thought out. Like during the day, during the time of the light, you sleep against all of it, but something has changed inside you- you're now living a different way not just without what you used to have but living in the dark.....where you're still pondering him, realizing how much he was a part of you.
Excellent, powerful write. Don't be down.....hope will find a way to you :)
This poem is so sad. It is really deep and you can tell alot of emotion went into this piece.
I also loved the title of your poem. You use of a snigle word is eye catching and really spoke to me
5 years ago
That word caught my attention. It intrigued me so much.
I like the content of this piece and I also find it sad. The only thing that I notice is that there are a few parts that don't go with the flow. Other than that it was a piece filled with emotions.
I really like the title because it already creates an atmosphere by standing alone, which gives the reader a little hint about what to expect, yet it doesn't give anything away and that made it so very eye-catching. I think it's tough finding a title, that is interesting and fits to the poem, without revealing too much, your choice definately fullfills these "criteria".
It's quite nice how the content of your poem "developes" with each stanza, you slowly allow the reader to get to know what's happening to the speaker and the reason for that, but you first mention the consequences in the last stanza, which keeps the reader captivated throughout the poem.
The last stanza is my personal favorite as well because of how you worded it and because of how much it tells.
This is definately a well penned poem with heartfelt emotions.
5 years ago
by average thoughts
U know what d bst thing abt ur poems?
The more i read, the more depth i find ..uor poems r like an endles depth of emotions..
It is a great read. Loved reading it. Mournfully and beautifully expressed how ur life has been changed to 'Nocturnal' . I love the flow and thought it was perfect :D
5 years ago
I love the end, "living life nocturnally". it has a lot of meaning in that one part, not only that you stay awake in the night, but also that its a secret, hidden life, and a life shrouded in darkness. it is truly a powerful image, which complements the underlying emotions. well done.