Comments : Storm Above Our Heads

  • 5 years ago

    by silvershoes

    Nice, I can envision it, but two things. I don't like the title. I just don't.
    Annnnnd I don't feel all the line breaks are necessary.

    Besides that, lovelyyyy, mah dear. Except I'm sick so smoke and rain and all that isn't too appealing tonight! Ha.

    Write more.

  • 5 years ago

    by sibyllene

    I don't either! But I don't like making titles. Any suggestions for a new one?

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Rain and kisses

    Kisses and the rain

    Rain and other things

    The silly things we do

    Okay sorry, x0x0

  • 5 years ago

    by Steven Croat

    Nice well written poem!I loved it!

    Steven!

  • 5 years ago

    by Jordan

    I like this. Short, sweet, to the point. It sounds like your poetry is becoming very sentimental.

    You could call it 'The River'

  • 5 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Nooooo sentimentality! That's not the goal, but you're probably right. I was feeling very lovey dovey. I had to reign myself in from adding in things like "ohhhmygosh i just love you SO MUCH XOXOX!"

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Don't like the new title, haha! Storm? Not very sensual or refering to love. Ugh. Call it... Hmmm...

  • 5 years ago

    by silvershoes

    I like the new title. I like the images it stirs... hidden meaning? I think so.

    Storms might be raging above your heads, but you're safe in your cozy sanctuary of love <3

  • 5 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    How about sensual rainstorms or sensual storms....just more matching to the content, loved it, warm and fuzzy, dripping..oozing with love.
    A rainy day is probably the most romantic day, in my opinion.
    Your poetry really warms cold hearts.

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    "ohhhmygosh i just love you SO MUCH XOXOX!"

    omg that's sounds like something I'd say.. AHAHAAHA

    I've read this piece quite a few times already,
    it really is captivating,
    in my head I picture these two lovers, not really playing in the rain, more like trying to hide from it, but they keep feeling the raindrops fall on their skin.

    to make a love poem that doesn't sound cheesy at all, is really such a tricky thing

    I don't think people realize how hard it is.

    you on the other hand, well.. your sybs

    what else is there to say...

    Dem gais.

  • 5 years ago

    by Moonlit Candles

    I thought this was a really neat poem. I liked the metaphors you put here. It really brought the imagery to life. Nice write. :)

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    I don't know. I just feel she is way more creative. I just dislike it.

  • 5 years ago

    by sibyllene

    New title: "Oozing with Love." : )

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Just make the title XOXO

  • 5 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    Xoxo is the perfect one, haha.