Silence

Sorry this comment is so late, I know I promised it a while back. But here it is:

The bells struck a silent tone
bidding sorry welcome to those
who followed it

^^ Interesting hook considering the title is silence. But it did interest me quite a bit.

Persistent and frail
the hush invaded the souls and minds
of us who worshiped it

^^ Wow, the description and voice here are an amazing pair. I love the second line especially.

for just a sound-
a single brutal note that we might know
we weren't alone

^^ The tone is now set for this piece, and the interest has only grown.

it seemed so simple then
so small it could be cast aside
with a promise

^^ Excellent description.

a promise...
but the quiet is persistent
and deep within the darkness

^^ This is my favorite stanza, I love how you describe this. I love your take on a promise, as well as your explanation due to this scene

imprisoned in a cage of dreams
we wait alone, we
contemplate

^^Wow, this stanza left me speechless, so much so that I am still pondering over its effects.

a single brutal promise

^^ lovely.

never made
and silently forgotten

^^terrific way to end.

All in all, this piece is fantastic. Perhaps it is the simplicity I enjoyed or perhaps it was the voice. Either way it was excellent. Your word choice was stunning and powerful. The detail and vividness was immense perfection. And the style created a terrific smooth flow.

Strong worded and emotionally powerful. I have felt this way to and the way you've explained it underneath is very deep and greatly in depth. Loved the flow and as I said before the emotion within each word was as if the reader was able to feel exactly how you feel.
5/5

Thanks for your own comments underneath, I read these first and it makes a lot of sense,

I do like to look a little deeper though and this is what thoughts I got from reading your poem. (remember we can all interpret things differently... that is what is so great about poetry)

stanza 1

I love the whole conflict of this, 'struck' is quite a strong word you wouldn't usually associate with silence. However it gives an almost ghostly impression, Looking deeper I see the sorry welcome part links with followers, almost like sheep, You could say that the bell is linked to churches and wedding bells, it almost gives off the idea you are mocking marriage.

Stanza 2

Again on the marriage theme, The whole institution of marriage has existed since the middle ages maybe before, therefore you could describe this as persistant. however with so many divorces these days you could equally describe it as frail. The hush links to the entrance just before the bride.

Stanza 3

The single brutal note is the first note of the wedding march, the woman enters, looking deeper it could be the pang of the waiting bridegroom knowing that those steps between now and the bride reaching are his last as a single man.

Stanza 4
So simple, the nerves have eased, they make their solem vow with a promise. The build up to the day has been cast aside they have done it.

Stanza 5
This stanza could suggest that the deed is done, but his doubts return, has he done the right thing? Deep within the darkness, could suggest his inner turmoil.

Stanza 6

Now waiting, the ceremony is almost complete, he is realizing marriage is no different, dreams and hopes remain the same and are unfulfilled apart from the ring, and the tie and the whole cage of the idealogical institution that is marriage.

Stanza 7

A single line here, reminds us of a 'brutal promise' this is him reflecting his 'i do' promise.

Final stanza

This final 2 lines mocks the ceremony, he went through with it just for her and said all the right things, but he will not change, he will go back to his old ways.

Now I know my interpretation is nothing like what you were saying, however I hope you can see why people sometimes see things differently to what you hoped. this is actually a skill you posess where your poem is that good that it can be read in a number of different ways.

Dependent on the mood of the reader it may read differently to many different people.

I love the whole flow by the way and I love the emphasis with the single line towards the end.

great write, Are you brave enough to leave off your own comments and see what people come with when reading your words?

I find it hard to believe that anyone voted less than a 5 on this poem. It is absolutely beautiful!

Not something we would usually see in 'love poems' but (well after reading your note and re-reading the poem) I understand it. Well, I think I do anyway - I understand the Great Gatsby reference and the feelings so...

I loved the ending in particular. For something so simple, it held so much power and emotion behind those few words.

A great write overall. 5/5