Laying on the table
bringing in a new life..
ready to take that journey with the new born..
it is what every soon to be mother longs for..
but that was not my feelings..
it was not joy
that heavy anticipation or eagerness of wondering how my baby feels, smells, or looks..
it was not tears of happiness or joy..
it was tears of sadness..
was giving birth to my baby that had half a heart..
As soon as she was placed in my hands..
Her life slipped away right in my hands..
how could such a thing happen
everyone knows that the worst thing mothers imagine is having their child hurt in all ways including suicide, murder, etc..
but we never think of the inevitable..
my emotions flying everywhere..
not knowing how to feel..
weather i should cry, scream, shout..
sit in silence..
should i hold my head up high
or let myself bury in deep depression..