Comments : You, and Nuances Forgotten

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    This was a peculiar write, I mean it's just that when I read it I get this darkish tone in some parts but then in the middle I get the sad tone, Though, towards the end I found the dark tone again, lol.

    It might just be me, and the way I am reading it. However, I liked it. The introductory part pulled me in, specially the use of dangling dangling?

    and then the imperative tone with "Quick", perhaps that's where I find the dark tones.. when it asks to pull the gloves tighter and the hood over the head. Quick.. Warning someone?

    And also with the part " for you are foreign to me as my sisters" I find a darkish tone, those parts have some power and I'm fond to it.

    My favorite part of this piece is

    "I shall call you stranger, to-night,
    an unbidden one, perhaps
    yet vaguely, quite vaguely, familiar.
    For you are as foreign to me
    as my dead sisters;
    for there is no other word that
    could send tremors through my lips
    and part them at the same time,
    like willing curtains on a windswept
    day, welcoming your advent

    This whole stanza, I like the word choice and I simply like the tone. I find it dark. :P

  • 6 years ago

    by Blood of a Lion

    Normally I would go into medium sized descriptive form of why I liked this. But I liked all of it.
    So goo job 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I have always enjoyed reading your poems and you are getting better and better.

  • 6 years ago

    by Karla

    You excelled Xanthe. Your choice of words is perfect and the images are sublime. Well done my girl.You always make me proud.Wish I had a vote left.

  • 6 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    You, who trudges by the wearied
    path, do you not know of
    December's cruelty draped o'er
    branches - astraddle -
    just dangling, dangling..?

    - ohh, such an eerie opening. The word you to begin with is so empowering it is like you are directly shouting to the reader, come and read me, and ofcourse we have to! It is quite a mysterious opening as to where the poem was headed, the first thought I had was the dangers in Decemeber, being snow and ince mainly weather wise. Then the inner dangers of emotions at this time of year, missing people, memories, the weather affecting moods etc. The first image I got actually was of an icicle dangling from a branch, and someone walking along the path unknowing that it is waiting for them! Ohhh love it!

    drag that hood over your head,
    pull your gloves on tighter, careful.
    Careful, do not cut yourself.
    (you have far too many scars now)
    And that soiled scarf you found 'mongst
    boxes and beer bottles could hide
    your bruised lip. Quick.

    - This was very interesting because you are using all the things we relate to December like the scarf and gloves, but along with it are things so deep like cuts and scars and bruises. It implies to me that this person has been hurt very deeply and is walking in the unkown to escape the known which appears to be more harmful to her than the angers outside. It also implies a bit of desperation if she finds a scarf in the middle of a rubbish pile, like it was her only option to have this one.


    Why do you come back whence
    I could not find you;
    when trees finally lay bare,
    by ocean breezes bent low:
    naked, cold, and healed?

    - this is thought provoking - I wonder if you are talking about a certain emotion here as apposed to the time of year? The bare trees indicate the sadness to me, but I wdo wonder why the word healed appeared and I am curious to know please? I can only think of them being healed by this because perhaps they have been feling this way anyway. cold and numb, and so only now wit the weather changing they look the part and have a reason to feel this way?

    Quick -
    lest someone sees you again,
    with those wide eyes that know
    nothing, yet so much more; two
    diff'rent worlds sitting side by side,
    one greyer than life, the other,

    - I adore this part of your poem, again the word quick implies someone who does not want to be seen or found. The description of their eyes and knowledge. For me it is saying perhaps they no not of the general knowledge facts of life but so much more than that they know the secrets of life, the sadness and pain of experiences so deep. I do not know if this is what you meant but by two different worlds beside each other, I got fromt his the two eyes still. Both telling two very different stories and I loved this idea.

    (for too long -
    or so I believe)

    - this implies for me that they have been hiding this way for far longer than they should have been and perhaps suffering alone.

    I shall call you stranger, to-night,
    an unbidden one, perhaps
    yet vaguely, quite vaguely, familiar.
    For you are as foreign to me
    as my dead sisters;
    for there is no other word that
    could send tremors through my lips
    and part them at the same time,
    like willing curtains on a windswept
    day, welcoming your advent

    - oh again, this is so eerie, it is like it could be relatinf to a spirit, an unwelcome prescence that is haunting you. This is so complex this verse because it is like you have no idea who or what this thing is but it feels so familiar like you do know. The parting of your lips, such a vivid imagery to show the power of this thing. I actually wonder if you are talking about December or Winter itself. And how it makes you feel. It is almost like you are another season and talking of this one as your enemy!

    You come unexpected 'tween two seasons:
    one, a free falling fire, another, like


    Whilst you feared forgetting
    what has (never) happened,
    I feared remembering (you)

    and all that you've left behind.

    - again this ending indicates to me loss and depression and a lonely time of year. I do love this poem and the language you have used for it, I love how you shorten words like diff'rent and spell them how you say them, it reminds me of older poetry and how beautiful the words look.

    I am interested in knowing what the challenge was to make you come up with this and your thoughts behind it. It is very cleverly done and I have read it several times now and can take so much from your imagery here.

    Great job. xx

  • 6 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Xanthe, you never fail. You took my challenge of combining two phobias and just rocked I knew you would. :)

    I think I recall that the two phobias you chose were fear of strangers and fear of forgetting. You chose those wonderfully... they work so well together.

    Every single stanza is a masterpiece of it's own... but the ending is my favorite.

  • 6 years ago

    by The Queen

    This is another fantastic piece from this author that offers emotional satisfaction to her enormous and devoted audience on here. The repetition in the first stanza seems to indicate that the nuances of the second person are still fresh, "draped over branches", "just dangling, dangling".

    As the second stanza began, the second person does not clearly understand the state he is in. It makes me think that this person does self-harm and other things. From here, the indication of a certain death sprouted in my mind. Perhaps, this person is dead already and that this poem is about the haunting memories from a past lover, which are both confirmed as the poem progresses. Rather sad ending, but the memories obviously live on hauntingly and unforgettably.

  • 5 years ago

    by Darren

    Xanthe, I need to read more of your stuff after this, There is fantastic narrative throughout with some real eye opening attention to minor details. I enjoyed this every moment of this piece.
    What grabbed my attention first is the way it is spoken rather than written, not only that it is spoken with an accent, very bold and very difficult to do I should imagine.
    The repetition in the last line of stanza 1 is really clever, the question mark works perfectly as if you are confused with the statement itself.
    The asides you drop in throughout really help sell your tale, they add to the atmosphere and the desperation of the whole thing, this couples with the sadness you have scattered.
    I have resisted the temptation to break it down because I honestly feel if I did I would be doing this masterpiece a dis-service.
    I thought it would be useful for a review to point out what I liked most.
    Stanza 2, the whole stanza is genius, it almost takes you away from the poem and gives you a little inside into this persons life, references to scars and cuts and the attention to detail I mentioned with your reference to the beer bottles and boxes.
    I would also like to point out the use of repetition that works and drives the poem,
    'Yet vaguely, quite vaguely'
    'feared and feared' final stanza.
    'Dangling, dangling?' first stanza.
    Well done on an excellent write.