Unending

by Court   Sep 6, 2014


Loving; Caring
Longings last

Wanted; Needed
So long past

Lonesome; Using
In the now

Manipulations
Round and round

Neverending
Ice so thin

Skating;Sliding
Which will win

Cold, caring
nipping teeth

Hatred, blazing
all its grief

Help unending
hurt far gone

Story spinning
all too long

Things forgotten
left unsaid

Tales unwritten
Life of dread

Songs swirling
Legends shown

Blazing Frozen
now undone

Patches sewn
Needles missing

Lovers known
never kissing

Caring Hatred
tempers high

nipping grief
Still we try.

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Latest Comments

  • 3 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    I love the way you structured this poem, the two line stanza's really make the reader want to read more as it is easy to follow and I find that you have followed a really smooth rhyming flow within the piece which is exceptional!

    I like how you used similar antonyms in the first line of the first two stanza's ie: loving and caring then wanted and needed - it is a great technique of prolonging and maintaining the flow.

    Reading this poem over and over, I like the way it sounds it takes me into my own thoughts in a way - scattered and continuous, broken yet making sense - like you have taken these words straight from the heart and etched them right into the core of this piece.

    Overall I love the underlying message woven - such a deep melancholy ebbed really well within your amazing word choice and the structure truly makes this piece a masterpiece as it suits it well!

    Great write Court
    thankyou for sharing such talent

    5/5

    • 3 years ago

      by Court

      Thanks for the awesome critique again. :)

  • 3 years ago

    by ChrisT

    This is a great write. I don't often say that on this site, but I honestly was hooked on this poem and read it through a few times. It had a great rhythm that was catchy and a sadness that lingers after you're finished.

    • 3 years ago

      by Court

      Thank you very much. :)

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