Comments : Silver Darkness

  • 2 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Coming in through the window,
    the darkness illuminates the room.
    Not making things visible though,
    just igniting their lifeless glow.

    ^This is an interesting introduction with an interesting setup for your rhyme scheme. the use of two, two line sentences in each stanza is interesting and it helped define your rhythm early one. This is something most authors forget to do or do later on in their pieces so I am glad you did this.

    It gives out a million shadows,
    outlines, of everything present.
    Radiates, their burning plea for existence,
    transmits, their cry for recognition.

    ^I like how this continues what you established with the first stanza while moving the story along just enough to keep the reader interested. The word choice here is interesting, not even all that unique or different but it still defines the piece in an odd sort of way. This is the spice in the soup - nice touch.

    It reflects things,
    things unseen in normal light.
    Things too scared to show up,
    unless called by it's silence's cry.

    ^ I like how this almost ends the story, yet it leaves just enough of a cliff hanger for another stanza. Well done. I especially enjoy the final two lines.

    Yet it shows me things,
    in a dim silver light.
    Things seen on bright days,
    yet felt only on moonless nights.

    ^Creative conclusion. I like this.

    I am slightly upset that the rhymes are not consistent but the flow is still there and decently formatted. This was a very unique piece in many ways and it was a unique read. The images were interestingly penned though they could have been a little bit stronger or maybe even just reworded so they make a little more sense.

    4/5 i look forward to reading more from you

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      I actually didn't go for rhyme here, whatever rhymed was coincidental, as for the strength I work upon that.Thank you .

  • 2 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Oh my gosh I love this!!!!! These words perfectly describe how I would describe the feelings I get at night, the way things change, shapes and shadows are distorted and seem to have lives of their own!!! Oh my oh my oh my!!! It's just wonderful :-)

  • 2 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I am really amazed with the perception of light that is somewhat personified it this very well written poem

  • 2 years ago

    by Rob

    Really loved thiwe write! Thanks for sharing!~

  • 2 years ago

    by La Reina De Corazones

    I was attracted to this poem because in the title it had "silver" in it and I can't help it I love silver so I had to read this poem, though I'm a tad disappointed it wasn't more dark, the imagery was alright (again I'm like a dog with a bone with it being a tad more dark but that's just me), the emotions were nice didn't really move me, but since you're a beginner it's good that you could do this so congratulations! The last stanza was my favorite in the whole poem, nice read 4/5

    -Mori

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Sry I couldn't live up to your expectations, would present a poem that would satisfy your liking. Thank you for reading and the comment.

  • 2 years ago

    by Beautiful Tragedy

    I love this poem. i can clearly picyure what i am reading and i like what i'm reading in between the lines.

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you I hope i could stand up to these standards in future!

  • 2 years ago

    by konpreah

    Excellent imagery, seeing that which is unseen except in the vagueness of a darkened world.