I love you too. I've been suffocating far too long. I needed to write this. But I'm still having trouble breathing. Because simply writing it doesn't mean that people listen. So my mind is in a very dark place still. I can't see the light from down here, in the abyss, right now. I'm not sure I can call this piece a poem, it's more than anything a cry for people to wake up, and listen for once.
Listen, and understand how one of the biggest insults in the world you can use against me is to claim that you understand how it feels to be in my situation. This has happened, more than once. "Oh I had insomnia for a couple of days, so I know what it's like". No, she does not know anything.
"I'm also in pain, I can handle it, why can't you?" because you dont know the extent of my pain and how it ruins me in a myriad ways. The examples are endless.
if anything, I hope this thing gets wins the weekly and end up on front page simply because I really want people to read and hear the points I'm making.
Before I comment on this, the reason why I wanted to read this was because I saw it when I logged in I have Maple Tree as one of my favorite poets so I get whatever she comments on or posts SO that being said I normally don't pay attention to what is in my thing but I saw the title it made me laugh just a little since I have depression and it sucks when you are a poet cause all you can write is depression things or not being able to write at all which sucks even more. ANYWAYS back to the commenting.
Oh sweet Jesus and the holy mother Mary! Shiiish I can't even say anything that will come close to what I really want to say. What I will say is that you can talk to me whenever you want to don't be scared, I will not bite I will always hear what you have to say :). I will not promise to say I can relate because everyone battles their own demons like you wrote in your poem/story. Very emotional throughout the poem, really making you keep on reading and yet dreading what is next since it's like a suspense movie and you want to shut your eyes yet you still want to continue on...beautiful!
On another note you were write in your title yet wrong as well, yes this poem looks like a huge story but the most beautiful thing about poetry is that it's actually free verse, which I so love since I don't like restricting my poetry whatsoever so this was perfect way of releasing your anger and making it a beautiful thing!
I wish I could go on and on but I can't because I'm sleepy (sorry honey!) and I don't function well without my coffee.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Yeah. This is a very emotional write. A very naked and honest one. The title is funny in how I chose it, too. It's technically a free verse poem, yes, but I choose not to call it a poem because of how the process of writing it ended up.
If you pay attention when reading it, the way I use my language changes somewhere in the middle of the piece. At first, I was writing a poem, in the same kind of writing that I usually do. The first two stanzas have my style as a poet very deeply ingrained into them.
But I was having such a bad night that I just at some point started deleting stanzas, and I literally yelled out loud "F- IT!" and changed my language and way of writing it to how I generally write prose, but still structured like a poem. Thus the title. I thought the title was fitting, because it actually happened and there's a dark sense of irony to it, and any irony in a piece like this is vital because the piece is consistently suffocating and dark.
I try to do that in many of my poems though. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. The title serves a second purpose though - catching attention. I wrote everything here the way I did because I felt like I didn't have a choice, that I need as many people as possible to read it and reflect on what I'm actually saying, because it speaks a lot of my personal living conditions and illness, but I'm not the only one. A whole lot of people need to read something like his to actually open their eyes for once.
That's why I hope it wins a spot in the weekly. Because people need to understand these things, and most people that haven't had such problems themselves say things that just makes everything worse, and do so in an arrogance guided by misunderstanding what the weight of their words are.
^ there is actually so much I can say about this that I really don't know where to start.
First - the title - and the idea of this being a poem, but also a desperate plea to make people understand, is very powerful, and really works!
The pain in the poem is so loud, and I totally agree that people are so quick to judge, and assume you can get over whatever it is that you are going through, and they often tell you to move on, as if you are choosing not to.
I think you are realistic with your expectations, of simply wanting people to just be there, nothing more, nothing less, just be there and then they might be able to begin to understand, if they listen.
I admire how honest you were in this poem, and I related to it so much in the way that sometimes you just cannot describe what it is that you feel, how much of a struggle you are in, but you feel pressured by people around you to make them understand.
I really like your choice to give Life and People capital letters, that stood out so much and really emphasised that importance to you, they 2 things that have seemed to betray you and let you down.
Like I said, there is so much more I can say, but I won't. But if it helps, I have read this, put it into my favourites, and fully agree that I would like other people to read this, so that they too can stop putting pressure on others, and just be there without judgement!
Really powerful and deep write.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading, and taking into heart the message I wanted to convey, and for simply listening.Even more so, commenting.
I hope you're right about my expectations being realistic, but my experiences make me cynical about it. I never stop hearing people telling me to do this or to do that, putting the responsibility and fault with me. I'm powerless, and my despair caused by this powerlessness is nigh describable.
And I wish I could at least lie to you now and say that I'm fine. But I'm not fine. I'm exploding, demolishing, breaking down, crashing and toppling in over myself. My skin is a bullseye for meteors of misguided help I never asked for, and my skin is getting more disfigured by it every day.
Because I'm not arrogant enough to think that I can know what it's like to be you, just like you can never know what it's like to be in my shoes.
And people don't respect that. They don't understand that. Privilege is when a person was born into a premise that allows them to succeed at living a happy life and then projecting their methods on to me, assuming that I have that same possibility.
I don't have that possibility right now. I will never e free from my diseases, and I have no reason to expect that I will ever, even once in my lifetime come the future, I was born into this broken body that could never be shaped into how I want to be seen. It will never be able to move how i want to move.
I am denied so many things that normal people take for granted that my despair grows insurmountable.
So I thank you for reading and listening to what I actually said. Rarer than you think ptobably, that it is that esay.
I'm glad this piece got nominated. I want this piece on the front page. It's rare that I say that out loud, or even think of it as a big deal. But I want people to get some perspective. At least try to understand what compassion actually becomes. That I've heard every suggestion any of you could ever come up with, at least a dozen times already.
Because I do not smile anymore, and the reason why is obvious, And I hope that many people read thisand understands what it is like. That's my goal. Because I can't breathe like this much longer. I think.
First of all, I am sorry for the pain you are feeling and everything you are going through. I know that it is so tough.
You convinced me that this was not a poem, but a heartwrecking scribbled thoughts of someone who is expressing his greatest pain. This is full of conviction and I can really feel your pain. The wording is strong and full of honesty. The title is great.
I hope everything will be better. I will keep you on my prayers. Just don't give up. Keep on finding the rainbows after every rain.
The title caught me to read this and yes it was indeed a poem before depression got the best of it. The changes in stanza, the mannerism and the written language is clearly visible. You took the effort to lay out your pain and midway...it just got you to become angry.
Certain pain, certain disease which we undergo nobody can understand the depth of it. Maybe to some extent but not fully. This write not only has pain and anger but a sadness that is deeply rooted-it eats away hope. Yet never give up-yes its easier said then done but the moment we say "I give up" then life itself will be bitter. Prayers I will send your way...take care and keep penning for this itself is therapy.
It was quite hard this week to choose which ones would go in which order since each poem that I choose was powerful all on their own and no matter if they win or not they are still moving pieces of poetry.
This poem reveals so much about the poet that made it. It shows how to look inside that person and understand their situation, not a lot of people maybe, no one will understand what this poet has gone through or is going through this was a beautiful way to express what they have felt, how they lived, and how they keep on surviving. Truly enlightening and keep strong.
Hey this was brave of you to tell us what you feel. Every one can relate to this poem, including me. I can say that depression cannot kill us. On the brighter side, always remember that a good GOD watches over us and helps us stand up when we stumble. Nobody is really perfect.
2 years ago
I love everything about this.
This title is unique because yes, it was a poem before the darkness of depression came and turned it into a poem/rant but you know what it's perfectly structured and set out. The first part representing that you are in that depressive mood with the words like 'dwell' 'abyss' and 'pain' they show that you are at that part in life where you may want to give up but intact don't because you're stronger than that. Then half way through the mood changes I feel to anger and that's what it's like one day you want to give up the next you are angry.
Every line is full of raw emotion and truths about how YOU feel with depression but I personally believe each person that suffers from this has a different outlook on it.